It's a beautiful day in my neighborhood!

This day ends with a whisper and a snore. My dogs are sleeping blissfully on their beds beside my computer while I contemplate the many events of the day. It was a simple day. Nothing much of substance happened. And yet it was important. Every moment of today contributed to the sum total of experiences in my life. Twenty years from now I may not remember it. My children will forget what they had for dinner and I'll forget what terribly important project I needed to finish at work. It will have been just another Thursday in the grand scheme of my life.

How many days like these do we encounter, the days where nothing of significance happens. We smile and nod and exchange informal conversations with strangers at work. We complain about our headaches and backaches and cranky children. And it's just life.

And yet I believe I am living intentionally. I consider every person, every interaction, valuable. The conversation with Angela, my favorite Shop N Save Deli associate, who has the prettiest braids and most beautiful smile. Every time I see her we both light up. And she tells me about her grandchildren and I explain why I love Muenster cheese. And we are living life together, sharing a moment where we connect and experience humanity in a tangible way. I feel like I spend half my life in Shop N Save buying food for my family, so much so that many of the workers there have become like family to me. They might think I'm that crazy, frizzy girl with the goofy smile, but that's okay. I am comfortable enough with myself to be real.

This morning while riding my bicycle I saw a pharmacy worker walking her dog and I waved and said good morning. It was about 5:25am. So when I saw her in the store tonight she just smiled at me. "You sure get up early!" Yes. Yes I do.

I'm not rich. I don't have a fancy house or a lot of cool gadgets and gizmos. I live a fairly simple life. But I am rich in love, the love I receive from my family and friends and even from strangers who make the effort to smile back. Most often the most extraordinary lives are lived on cul de sacs, in poorer neighborhood's where children's tummies are filled with hotdogs and beans. They grow up repeating those patterns with their own children and a legacy resonates throughout history. So when you are experiencing a day that wasn't very exciting, where you subsisted on coffee and candy bars and your head hits the pillow with no huge sense of accomplishment, remember that every day you live, regardless of how ordinary, is precious simply because you existed in it.

A Terrifying Realization

I need to give up coffee. This comes as a total shock to me as I only began drinking it six or seven months ago. I have heard many things about coffee over the years but nothing that came close to me forming such a strong opinion. I knew only that I liked the smell when I walked through the grocery aisle, but I had never met a cup of coffee I actually liked.

And then my job moved me to a new building. The coffee pot is centrally located and my nostrils were delighted every day with the sweet aroma of fresh roasted beans(okay, they are freeze dried granules but they still smelled good). One fateful, sleep-deprived day I consumed a cup to get me through the afternoon and I was hooked. Soon I was buying beans whole, grinding them and making a delightful brew. My husband bought me a beautiful thermos for Christmas and every day I lovingly fill it with home brewed coffee and gently sip on it throughout the morning. I save a cup for after lunch and my day is complete. Bliss!

A couple weeks ago I noticed I was having trouble getting to sleep at night. I also realized when I did go to sleep I kept waking up. I was a little frustrated and a small voice spoke to my brain, "You may need to cut back on the coffee." No big deal, I said to no one in particular. I'll skip the coffee tomorrow. That was Monday, June 17th—a day that shall forever exist in my mind as a day of infamy.

Crabby isn't the right word and neither is headache. Stress-filled work day also doesn't cut it. Somehow I survived 7:30am to 4:30pm but when I arrived home my beastlets(the creatures born of my womb) tried to make me referee their game of "Mutilate My Brother." I asked them nicely on four separate occasions to give Mommy a break because I had gone ALL DAY without coffee for one of the most stressful days of my career thus far. But they couldn't stop screaming long enough to hear me, that is, until I started to scream. I had to grab ears(the sure sign of imminent doom) and incent them with a dinner free evening in order to make them cooperate. And I still didn't sleep well so I went back to coffee the next day convinced I had made a grave error in judgement.

But an idea was born. Maybe coffee isn't so good for me. If withdrawals are that bad, maybe I need a break. The most powerful disincentive, however, is that coffee curbs my appetite. So I decided henceforth NOT to give up coffee but take a break on the weekends to catch up on sleep.

Cue to June 22nd and 23rd.

I was too busy to notice any adverse side-affects, other than the fact that I was ravenously hungry and ate everything that came across my path. I gained 5 pounds in 2 days. How does that happen? Oh, I didn't drink any coffee.

This morning I arrived at work, thermos filled to the brim of tantalizing, caffeinated bliss. I settled in and began sip, sip, sipping away. An hour later my brain started to race. A few minutes after that I realized my hands were shaking. Then the room started to jump and jerk. I went and hid in the bathroom. It was like some sort of horrible trip. I placed my hands on the stall walls and thought, "My God, make it stop!" Evidently I was experiencing caffeine overload. Two coffee free days had evidently cleansed my system enough to make me super sensitive. I somehow made it through the morning without vomiting (just barely).

Years ago I had a few bad experiences with alcohol and swore it off for life. I've never missed it. This morning I do believe I had my last experience with caffeinated coffee. I would say I'm in mourning, but I would rather be prodded with hot pokers than ever experience that super-jolted feeling again. It was sort of like being hooked to a non-lethal form of electrocution. The truth is, I don't really understand why God has allowed this to happen. There are so few things in life that I enjoy guilt free, and coffee was one of them. I can only hope that the old saying is true… "When God closes a door, He opens a window."

And I really want to slap the person who said that because it's a really stupid saying.

Oh, is that the crabby-coffee withdrawal already? Sheesh!

Your One and Only Body

You may not believe this, but every BODY is different. They have different shapes. They metabolize food differently. They burn fat differently. This rings true to me because my aunt is currently very discouraged about her workout routine and food regimen. Two months of effort for little reward and she wants to give up. I get it. I want to stand and scream with her in solidarity. "What the BLEEP?" But if I have learned anything over the past few years, I have learned this: human beings are created uniquely. Because of this, there is no way to lump us all together with a one-size-fits-all health regimen.

I stood in the waiting room of my chiropractor today and read an article about how "fit" people metabolize food better than non-fit people. I have personally experienced this as I started strength training. The more muscle I build, the more efficient my body is at burning calories. I did high cardio routines for a long time and burned most of my fat off that way. But once I started crunches, weights, and resistance training, the shape of my body really began to change. My main goal was to completely eliminate my floppy arms, therefore I put a lot of effort into biceps and triceps. Did it help? YES! Do my arms still flap? Sadly, yes they do—but not as much as they would have! My kids tease me about this relentlessly and that is why I frequently lock them in the closet and poke them with sharp sticks. (I don't really do that—but I should!)

What I notice is that on the days I do a lot of work on my muscles, I get REALLY hungry. I also get really tired if I don't eat enough(which is rarely a problem for me). So here is what I want to tell my aunt, you are building muscle and that is GREAT regardless of what the scale says. Though I don't blame you if you tie that sucker to a tree and blast it full of lead.

I have also learned that I metabolize foods differently than other people. For some reason, white carbs(potatoes-rice-white bread) are really slow to digest for me if laden with fats like butter. I could eat a baked potato with butter for lunch and not get hungry for the rest of the day. Fats slow down the process of metabolizing carbohydrates. I don't know why. But that's what the nutritionist told me in the hospital while teaching me how to care for my diabetic son. And I noticed it was true when I ate those things. Therefore, when I ordered my lunch yesterday(a fried cod sandwich on a baguette) I asked them to hold the bun and give me a heaping pile of veggies and coleslaw instead. That big fluffy baguette would have slowed down the fried cod(which was so flipping amazingly tasty) from digesting for 5 or 6 hours, and I would not have been hungry for dinner. I really don't consider the bun a sacrifice. I was still totally full and satisfied after eating. Also, I didn't feel clogged up afterward. Henceforth, I feel it is safe to eat fatty foods in moderation(I am a butter fiend!), I just need to hold the white carbs when I eat them. (my personal favorite lunch is whole grain bread piled high with muenster cheese)

I have also learned, painfully, that I must wait until I experience true hunger to eat. Even if it is 6:00pm and my family is chowing down, I must wait until 6:30pm when my tummy is rumbly. Actually, I like to be hungry for about 60 minutes before I eat, which fully guarantees that my body must dip into its fat stores. This used to make me crazy, but now I accept it. That is the way my body is. And do you know what? I love my body. It is an amazing machine. If we ever experience a shortage of food, I will outlast you. You will be worm food while I continue to dwindle. I know, not a pleasant image, but if my body is nothing else, it is efficient.

So, dear Aunt Mickey, don't give up! Don't listen to the "I don't want to's" and "The gym is cursed's." Just listen to your body. It is happy you are working to make it better. If you listen closely, it will tell you exactly how to trim the fat too. I promise!

Oh, and YOU ROCK!!

And for the rest of you, just know that your body is unique. What works for someone else may not work for you. Don't get discouraged! Try different foods and different exercises. Above all, have fun with it! If it's not enjoyable, you won't stick with it. I have learned through various trials in life to embrace my differences. And I am a better person for it. You will be too!

Commitment

What does it mean to be committed? Is it wishful thinking? As in, I love him until he leaves his stinky socks on the floor? I love her until she gains 50 pounds, but now she's not attractive so I'm finding someone more physically appealing? So many young people get married filled with the feeling that love can conquer all. Love is a wonderful feeling until it isn't. More often than not we wake up and realize we married a human being and that person isn't perfect. In fact, they are so less than perfect that we can't deal, so we bail.

The Righteous Brothers famously sang, "You've lost that loving feeling." She probably lost it because he refused to change a diaper or pick up his beer cans. But seriously, feelings fade.

We all make choices in life. Some informed, others carelessly. Living intentionally takes work. We all know people who live carelessly. They may be functional but we wouldn't trust them with our lives. That is why we respect doctors and policemen and women. They have made a commitment to their profession. The Hippocratic Oath is not taken lightly, neither is the oath an officer takes when he commits to uphold the law. Making a real commitment requires that a person know themselves well enough to determine if they can keep it. Many don't take the time to do that. I think that is why we are attracted to people that display integrity. It is a rare and beautiful trait.

The quick and easy way is, well, easy. Marketers would have us believe Excedrin fixes a headache. Well, if you really think about it, it does nothing but mask the symptom. It doesn't actually cure the headache. It's wonderful because it makes the pain go away, but as anyone who has ever had a headache, and didn't have access to pain reliever can attest, they do eventually fade. I'm speaking in general terms of course and have the utmost sympathy for people with chronic migraines, but our culture has made a habit of promoting the quick and easy treatment. For that reason, many people don't slow down long enough to really think through their choices. Hungry? McDonalds. Heartburn? Zegrid OTC. A really smart person should put heartburn medication dispensers at McDonalds. They'd make a fortune!

Commitment requires thought, dedication and perseverance. It means not quitting when circumstances take an unexpected turn. I still find it fascinating that I bear within me the strength to make a decision and stick to it. Especially when I feel so wishy-washy. When I think through the chain of events that brought me to this place in my journey, I am completely amazed. It all started with pain. Pain is an incredible motivator. My heart hurt. I hated being fat. I don't mean I hated it in the sense of, "I hate humidity." I loathed everything about obesity. I still do. It is what motivates me today. I never, ever want to go back to the way I was. It also amazes me how education and routine helped me achieve my goals. I changed my habits and followed my routines even when I didn't want to. I was fueled by my hatred of obesity and I channeled that into practical ways I could rid myself of fat. When people tell me they don't have the motivation this is what I think, "Well, you don't hate your blubber enough yet." It's easy to not think about it. I did that for years. I put gross amounts of chocolate into my mouth and purposely ignored the consequences. I didn't want to deal with my mess. And I was a most certainly a mess.

This applies to anything in life, not just weight. I used to curse a lot in my youth. I grew to hate it. So I made a practice of not cursing anymore and then not using foul language became my new normal. That is the other point I would like to make, commitment leads to good habits. I am in such a habit of eating right and exercising that I am not tempted by unhealthy foods as I used to be because I know the consequences. This past week I had a really bad day. I'm talking stress, drama, and aggravation galore. I brought home cookies for my kids and I ate them all(3 big cookies). About 3:00am I woke up with a tummy ache and sat hunched over the toilet for 2 hours trying not to puke. It was a great night, let me tell you. My body is so used to being filled with good fuel that it literally did not want to digest that crap.

If you want to make lasting changes to the way you live, make a commitment and stick to it. Know that when you achieve your goals you will be proud of yourself. Start small. Tell your husband you love him, even when you don't "feel" it. Smile and the feelings will follow. (I still can't believe that works, but it does.) If a situation is miserable, change the way you respond to it. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. Above all else make a choice to love. Love others. Love yourself. And don't quit. Nobody ever achieved lasting success by cheating. And when all else fails, ask for help. Find a person you can share your heart with. You've heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." We are often at our best when friends help hold us up. The only thing I can say about that is, find a friend who shares your ideals and you won't be disappointed.

I'm taking a minute for me...

For the past few weeks I've been living life in the fast lane. Meaning, baseball games, long hours at work, and not enough sleep. I've been sick twice which means my body is not handling it all very well. But I just keep moving right along because this, my friends, is real life.

And just so you get a flavor... This morning I was determined to pick strawberries. It was the last weekend at Lakeview Farms in St. Peters and I knew if I didn't get there by 7:30am I wouldn't get to pick. Well, my exhausted body didn't make it there until 8:30am but I made it and right now I am one happy strawberry saturated human. Hooray! But there is a price I had to pay for that.

In order for my son to play baseball today at 11:45am, I had to get a picture ID with his birth certificate on one side of town and somehow get him to the game at the opposite end. We arrived right at 11:45am and I'm still shocked I didn't get a speeding ticket...only to realize, "Mom! I forgot my glove!" Today if you saw a silver Mazda Tribute screeching across Florissant while the driver yelled "¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba" out the window, that would have been me. But I successfully recovered the glove and my child played so all in all it was a great day(until I realized I left the birth Certificate back on the other side of town).

We ended up at the swimming pool where I got to babysit some other people's kids so they wouldn't drown because the parents must have been raptured(at least until the life guards go involved). And I arrived home at 5:00pm--keep in mind I left at 7:45am) to heat up leftovers only to listen to my husband(who ran not a single errand today) complain about having to heat up some food. I did not smack him(but I wanted to).

So right now I am sitting down at my computer and no, I am not getting up to scoop ice cream, wipe butts, find a Spider Man costume, or stop Kid-mageddon(like Armageddon only with children as the warring parties). And I've only been here about 10 minutes.

Yesterday I read that love is not a greeting card sentiment. It's not a mushy love song or feeling that fades when things get sticky. True love means sacrifice. Well, today I loved the heck out of my boys. They have sucked all the love out of me for the moment. So right now I'm recharging my batteries. And tomorrow--well, it's Father's Day so I bet there won't be much sitting then either. And I'm okay with that.

Oh--and just so I can vent out all my regrets...I almost regret that I don't eat fast food anymore because it certainly would be so convenient...much more convenient than making every single meal from scratch. It is a testament to my lifestyle change that I refuse to put that junk into my body. but I'll admit I said I was going to grab fast food at least 4 nights this week because we were just THAT harried, but we managed to make it by without a single meal out. And that, my friends, is dedication! And I am proud as a fluffy peacock that I am still at my lowest weight. Hoorah!