The Perfect Weight Loss Equation

Living a healthy lifestyle is easy. Cut calories. Move more. Multiply by time(C + M x T = weight loss). Anyone can do it. It's just like quitting heroin. You take the one thing that comforts you—removes physical and emotional pain—and just stop taking it. Then go out and skip rope and smile. Everything is peachy now. All your friends are happy that you're healthy, and you're happy now that you're healthy. You are happy, right? Because it's easy, right? And life is now perfect because you have the perfect body and the perfect mindset and you mastered the formula. Because simply doing the math is easy, right?

Make no mistake, obesity is a curse. The physical effects of carrying around extra weight are devastating. But for most people, eating delicious food is a pleasurable activity that far outweighs the consequences. The mere sight of a cinnamon roll slathered with gooey icing literally makes me weak in the knees(I know, I encountered one this morning and drooled all over the glass it was safely secured behind). The crux of the problem lies in making a decision between satisfying the deep longing to weigh less and feel great and the immediate gratification of eating the cinnamon roll. Depending on who you are and where you are in the journey of life, the decision can be very complicated.

And then there is hunger. Our bodies demands to be fed. They scream for calories and water on a regular basis. Since soft drink companies have hornswoggled us into subsisting on flavored beverages, water has lost its luster. And because those soft drinks are laced with sodium, which only make us thirstier so we will drink more and buy more, our taste buds are hungry for more savory sensations. Unsatisfactorily, the abundance of flavorful foods only makes us "hungry" for more. The act of eating becomes like visiting an amusement park. We seek out culinary thrills only to become so addicted to the rush that there is no real satisfaction in indulging the senses. Pleasure + Pleasure = dissatisfaction. How else do you explain Little Ceasars bacon wrapped deep dish pizza? It seems that people are constantly trying to "up the ante" with food combinations that amaze and inspire(big bellies).

Lest I sound like a hypocrite(okay, I'm totally a hypocrite but let's pretend I'm not), I want to tell you about a very flavorful experience I had yesterday. A friend invited me to lunch. When she asked what I would like to eat I responded, "something healthy—like salad or veggies." I told her I have been struggling with my weight due to recent feasting and really needed to get back on track. She is working her way through a cookbook page by page and had rested on cheese fondue. I've never had fondue. And I know how fun it is to make a new recipe so I told her to go for it. When I arrived there was a heaping plate of veggies(asparagus, peppers, carrots, cucumbers) and a steaming pot of cheese dip. She had little forks for me to stab the veggies with and then dip into the fondue. It was all fun and games until I couldn't stop eating the cheese dip. I told her, "This can't possibly be healthy. It tastes too good!" I was literally scraping the bottom of the cheese pot for scraps when she looked at me and said, "Did you get enough?" I smiled and said yes, but what I really meant was, "Hell, no give me more!" One would think that all that tasty cheese dip would satisfy the longings of my (bottomless stomach) heart but I found myself topping it off with frozen yogurt, pizza and cookies for dinner. Every time I think I can enjoy a little savory sustenance, I flat out jump off the cliff of gastronomic sanity and am dashed to pieces on the rocks of regret. And that is how I found myself jogging at 6:00am with my bad knee and arthritic toes. Because I still hadn't fully digested my dinner and felt like a garbage can full of heartburn and gas. If I know that certain foods will do bad things to me, why do I continue to eat them?

I don't know why I can't eat a little cheese dip and be satisfied. It's unfair, really, but it is my reality. I get to choose between suffering as an obese person or suffering without tasty viddles as a "thinnish" person. I feel like I am standing on the middle of a teeter-totter with all my muscles tense while I wait for the wind to blow me the wrong way.

I realize I can sound pretty melodramatic about food. I apologize. I am fully aware of people who do not have food to eat today and are forced to suffer the desolation of their bodies due to hunger and malnutrition. Hunger is horrible. So forgive me for writing about vanity versus gluttony. Yes, I may be a selfish and greedy wretch but I am also addicted to the pleasure of eating. It, too, is horrible. I eat and I am not satisfied. And I am deeply troubled by my lack of self-control.

Saturday night I sat in a room of thin, well-groomed people who all lauded my transformation from 310 pound woman to 170 pound woman. It's all so easy on paper. Eat less. Check! Exercise more. Check! Lose weight and look fabulous. Check! Check! Smile, nod and repeat. Did they see how many trips I made to the buffet? My husband did. He very wisely did not say a word. Why does our society make eating too much acceptable as long as we do not get fat doing it? Why are we so loathe to acknowledge the human being behind the exterior who suffers and struggles with addiction, loneliness and heartache? When will we stop pretending to be perfect and acknowledge that we are all fouled up in some way and need each other, as human beings, to help carry those heavy burdens?

Additionally, I could not walk this path without Jesus. That may sound weird to some people reading this and I hope I don't offend anyone…. But despair creeps in so frequently. It would be so easy to let go and just eat myself to death. I want to be honest… I've had fantasies of doing just that. While many of my friends are very supportive and would do anything to help me, it is only by God's grace to me in the form of complete love and total acceptance that I am able to dust off the cookie crumbs and keep trying to beat my food lust. He loves me when I eat cake, and he loves me when I eat vegetables. It is by believing in that love and fully embracing it in my frail and fallen state that I continue to try to live a healthy lifestyle. Because if maintaining an ideal weight was as simple as (C + M x T = weight loss), this blog would not exist.