Why A Healthy Lifestyle?

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day. I woke to the lethargy of depression and all my plans clunked like an overheated jalopy. I climbed out of bed and onto the couch where I stayed until my children imploded. They like to do that when mom is incapacitated. Still, I felt like life was speeding by without me while I nursed my worn out body with sobs of despair. The stress of the week had finally caught up with me and I was the bear with its foot caught in a particularly grisly trap. All my striving was met with, "I can't! I can't! I can't!" Big sigh. "I want to, but I just can't!"

So I began to bake. Baking is my soothing exercise. It's what I do when all else fails. Bake and cry. I probably sound pathetic to you at this moment. Sorry about that. It's just life, and I'm walking through it the same as everyone else. For every good day there must be a down day. I've come to expect them--even embrace them--as the tide of life I'm swimming in. So I made homemade bread(whole wheat) and pizza dough(also whole wheat) for dinner. Then I went to the store and bought a big basket full of food. When baking doesn't cut it, buying food does! But I probably didn't buy what you think I bought. More on that in a minute.

When I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, a sure fire pick-me-up was fast food and sweets. A typical bad day might have looked like 1000 calories of toaster strudels(they are so tasty you can't eat just 2), followed by lunch at White Castle with a giant chocolate shake, a bag of Nestle Caramel Treasures and Papa John's pizza for dinner. And cookies. Yes, there would have been at least 12 cookies before bed. Just typing those sentences makes me feel gross. After consuming the equivalent of ten zillion calories, I would cry myself to sleep and wonder why my life was so horrible. I honestly didn't understand the affect all that sugar had on my body nor how to break myself from that dreadful cycle.

So many people go on a diet, lose weight and then regain it. The hope of smaller pants or a pretty dress drive them to mercilessly restrict calories until they reach their desired goal. Then they celebrate, much to the disdain of the new pants. Those trendy jeans are hardly broken in when the seams began to stretch and moan. They seem to cry, "Why? Why did you do this to me? You have no self-control! Why didn't you just leave me at the store? It's not fair!" Or maybe that's just my pants that talk back at me. I am so guilty of carefully folding my "brand-new-too-small" clothing into a tub that is carefully stored in the basement as my "lovelies" wait for me to lose those dreaded 10 pounds. If I am wise I take the time to remind myself why I went on this journey in the first place. Living an "out-of-control" lifestyle stinks. As in, stinky goat cheese, stinks!

Living a healthy lifestyle is not just about losing weight. To begin the journey the right way, one must ask oneself why they wish to change. The reason must be important enough to go through the personal sacrifice that is necessary to achieve our goals. That reason must also sustain us through the trials and discomforts of life. Otherwise, we will return to bad habits with gusto and lose all the ground we gained. My reason was a desperate desire to learn discipline. I felt so out of control, spinning like a top over the same ruts and crashing, only to spin and crash again. When I am having a bad day, I am tempted to return to those old habits. But I always come back to that moment that is burned on my brain--that moment when I stood in front of my closet and nothing fit, and all I could do was stand there and cry. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was two-hundred and something pounds and I couldn't go to church because the only pants I had were too small and I was too humiliated to squeeze into them. When I am tempted to give up and eat gasp--White Castle--I just take a little jog down memory road. Then, most importantly, I pray for strength to keep walking the path to better health.

Facing any addiction calls for a very serious shift in mentality. Food is too important to me to approach it with anything less than a 100% attitude adjustment. I knew when I began my journey that I couldn't just go on a diet. I also assumed failure was stalking me at every turn. This made me extremely vigilant. When someone asked me the other day if I have a "cheat day" I responded with an emphatic, "No!" I'm not looking for opportunities to cheat. I made a commitment to live a healthier lifestyle. Commitments are promises that are meant to be kept. Imagine if I stood up to state my vows to my spouse and said, "I love you, but I can't wait for my cheat day." He might re-think his choice of spouse. Everyone makes mistakes now and again. But do I plan my mistakes? Um, no.

I walked into the grocery store yesterday(Aldi is my affordable, fresh produce center of choice) with all my healthy habits intact. So even though I felt terrible, years of practicing discipline helped me to make good choices rather than emotionally induced choices. I know by practicing discipline that putting fresh vegetables and fruit into my body makes it feel better. Also, I forced myself to exercise in the afternoon. I didn't choose something grueling, just some light movement to get the blood flowing to my brain. I didn't feel fantastic afterwards, but I felt more human than I did when I began.

Why do I choose to live a healthy lifestyle? Because I'm never going back to the way I was. I'm not talking about size or weight. I'm talking about the desperation that came from living an emotionally and physically unhinged life. The way I look at it is this, every day I have the opportunity to face my flaws and beat the hell out of them. Will they wallop me sometimes in return? Sure. But by God's grace I'm going to wallop them right back.