Keep Your Fat Clothes

What kind of healthy advice is that? "Keep your fat clothes?" you say. "Margaret, have you lost your mind?"

I have noticed that people like to give advice. It makes them feel good for some reason. Maybe they feel like they're a part of my success if they tell me what I should do with my life. One piece of advice people frequently give is, "Get rid of your fat clothes." My chiropractor even said, "Don't give them away, burn them. And then do a jig around the fire."

Oh, it all sounds good in theory. You've lost a bunch of weight. You have these extra clothes hanging around that you can't wear anymore and they are taking up space. Chuck em. Right? WRONG.

Here are 9 reasons why you should not throw away your fat clothes:

1) You might get pregnant.

2) You might get an abdominal tumor that mimics pregnancy.

3) You might contract hypertension(swelling).

4) Your dryer might break and shrink all your skinny clothes.

5) You might have a thyroid problem you are unaware of that may flare up.

6) You might want to dress up as a fat person for Halloween.

7) You might gain weight because you ate too much ice cream every night for a month and you don't want to sit at work with pants that are too tight because that would be uncomfortable.

8) You might want to build a fat scarecrow to frighten greedy squirrels.

9) Sledding requires extra layers of clothing.

Now, I'm not going to tell you which of the above qualifies in my particular situation. All I'm going to say is, I'm glad I kept some fat clothes. So what if I hate squirrels and have a crafty spirit?

On the flip side, skinny clothes are inspirational. When I look at the powder blue Cinderella style dress I bought at the thrift shop for $1, it makes me want to eat less pasta. Because if I can lose those extra pounds, I will be able to wear it and pretend I am a princess. Because Princesses are skinny and therefore happy. And pretty, skinny people definitely do not have problems. They are perfectly content. Then never get sad, or fired, or stab people when they get angry.

But in all seriousness…life happens. Nobody is perfect. Losing weight did not make me immune to obesity. I also know that gaining a bit of weight is not the end of the world. I am not going to get a whip and start giving myself lashes.

So for those who want to shed those extra pounds…

1) Avoid the grocery store. Shopping is bad. Besides, if there's no food in the house, you can't eat it.

2) Put a clothespin on your nose when the people at work break out the crockpot. Hey, it works for cartoon characters.

3) Ingest a tapeworm.

Disclaimer: Yes I have gained a few pounds. No, I do not advocate eating a tapeworm. I do advocate eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and getting more exercise.

The really and truly wonderful thing about gaining weight is I am up to the challenge of taking it back off. Also, I already know it's not impossible so I just have to eliminate the bad habits I've fallen into(damn you to hell, ice cream!). And while I'm not proud of myself for eating my sad away, I don't think it's productive to dwell on the past. Today is glorious. Today I get to eat fresh steamed green beans(as many as I want!) and salmon and fresh made salsa from a friend. I get to skip rope and climb extra flights of stairs. See? Life is good. Squirrels and all.

Peace be with you

I know my blog is boring…no cool recipes…no cool workout tips. Just me and my thoughts. I don't have cool pictures or action and when I look at other blogs I feel, well, a little flat. When I read through past posts I realize what you are all thinking…Margaret is neurotic. Well, yes. Yes I am.

But here's the deal, I’m just living life. It's hard most of the time. I'm busy and I don't have time to design and develop and spend untold hours making everything shiny. I always hope that someone picks up some hard earned worldly wisdom from me but if they don't, that's okay because most of the time writing here helps me work out how to move forward, warts and all.

Some realizations I've come to over the past couple of weeks…

• No matter how much I think I've got this healthy thing down, I will find some way to screw it up. There is nothing like going to the massage therapist and having him say, "Have you put on some weight?"

• There is no law that says, "Thou shalt not gain weight." I am glad my husband loves me no matter what size I am.

• I love Jesus. What I mean by that is not, "I'm so holy-look at me roll!" It's more like, I'm so glad I've got this best friend who just accepts me for who I am and nudges me to keep trying to improve and totally gets why I’m a total jerk to Him and forgives me and then says "Learn from this." What a mouthful, but true.

• I'm a terrible parent. My poor kids. I feel so bad to be their role model in life. I hope they don't marry crazy hormone riddled women like me. I am worried they are doomed…

• I don't care how much it costs. I'm buying cherries. They are only ripe and tasty in the summer. Same goes for peaches.

• Life is precious and fragile and beautiful no matter how I am feeling at any given moment.

When I first began my journey to better health I realized I needed to learn discipline. I know now I will always be fighting my carnal nature to eat and eat and eat for no other reason than I want to because it makes me feel good for a minute. I worship food, which makes me sad. Last night I put double the amount of lasagna on my plate that I needed to eat. I stood there and stared at it. And I realized that I should put half of it back. But I didn't because I thought that emotionally, I would not make it through the evening without 2 pieces of lasagna. What a crock. And then I ate ice cream.

And this morning I felt all the regret I always do when I eat too much and step on the scale. So I ran further and harder than I should have and blew my hip. Good job, Margaret!

But my pastor gave this sermon a long time ago and said, "You are a child of the King." And that resonates with me. "Child" implies I am loved no matter how foolish and rebellious I am. But "King" implies that as a princess I am held to a higher standard. I want to be the perfect healthy, inspirational gal but I'm just a human being. And all I can really do is learn from my mistakes and try to do better. People that think Christians are perfect or should be perfect are sadly mistaken. We are fallible. And any Christian who pretends to be perfect is, well, I won't go into that here…

Today I have peace with who I am. I know my weaknesses and I refuse to give up. That speaks to the fact that I have good, strong character. My family knows I love them, even when I am crabby. I have peace with the fact that I don't have the perfect body or the perfect blog. I have peace with the fact that I am not wealthy or poor. Basically, I just have peace. To me, that is the essence of being a follower of Jesus. Even when my world is crumbling, I'm off my feed, or just plain goofy, I have peace in my soul.

What more can anyone ask for?

Pushing Through

I write frequently about doing what is difficult to maintain my health. But it is never so real as when my body rebels against me. For the past two weeks I've been dealing with a pretty severe bout of depression. Depression makes me tired and unable to cope with the most mundane decisions of life. It frustrates me to no end. Period.

I have made a habit of pushing through when my body isn't "feeling it." My routine is to get up, work out and go to work. I am like a robot on autopilot. So even when I don't feel like it, which has been just about every day of the past two weeks, I did it anyway. Walking, cycling, strength training. That's my rotation. I normally enjoy my workouts but lately I feel like a dead man walking. No doubt about it, this has been really tough.

Yesterday I was jogging a bit and I literally thought, "I just don't want to do this anymore. I feel bad." But I had to keep walking because I was 2 miles from home. That's one way to ensure you finish your workout! I ran past The Ferguson Farmer's Market and encountered a woman walking to her car with fresh produce. She hollered at me, "Hey, you're the girl that writes that column(Ferguson by Foot)." I nodded yes and said, "Have a great day!" Which is what I always say to people I meet in my neighborhood. And her smile was so big and so wide that it was infectious. And I caught it. And I began to smile too. Suddenly, I didn't feel so bad anymore. She gave me the best gift.

This morning I laid in bed with that same heavy feeling in my body but my youngest beastlet was intent that I should get up RIGHT NOW and feed him. And since my routine is to work out, I put on my cycling clothes, after he was fed, and hopped on my bike. The first mile was tough but I changed my routine by taking the scenic route and felt the fog lift from my brain. I knew the hill was coming, the totally terrible hill that leads up into the UMSL campus. I love that hill for the mere fact that once upon a time I couldn't walk up it, much less ride a bike up it. As I climbed(standing up and grinding the pedals to move forward) I crossed under the Metrolink bridge and met a flock of Canadian geese. They flew over my head in this great cloud of feathers and took my breath away. I don't know what it is about birds in flight, but they always amaze me. Not long after that I encountered 4 sparrows who were dusting themselves off in the street. They were rolling about when I startled them and they took to the air in perfect formation. They reminded me of the Blue Angels, rocketing off in different directions.

When I grow up, I want to be a bird. I want to run and jump and soar. Obviously this desire to fly is what led us to create airplanes. I never cease to be amazed at air travel. Every time I fly I can't help but gaze out the window and dream. It blows my mind.

Near the end of my ride a large hawk flew a few feet over my head and then flew next to me, on my left, as I coasted down a large hill. He landed on a street light near the bottom and watched me continue on my journey. He was spectacular. When we drove to church 30 minutes later I noticed he was still there, waiting for the perfect varmint to scurry by. I was so inspired by his grace and majesty. That feeling(joy) roused in my chest and radiated from my skin. And I wondered, what if I chose not to get up and ride my bike? What if I had stayed in bed and wallowed in my suffering?

Sometimes moving is a challenge. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes keeping my appetite in check is impossible. Sometimes it's not. This is life. But no matter the challenges of the day, I refuse to give up or give in. And I don't say that to be trite. I don't have a "Golly, gee whiz, Beaver!" attitude. But I have to remember who I am. I know what my identity is. I am a child of the King. He enables me, sometimes through sheer force of will, to keep going. And sometimes He gives me these moments of grace that are so profound and sweet...that all I can do is weep. I know what my day will look like if I skip my morning workout. I will feel just like I did when I woke up. But if I get up...if I venture outside...if I go on an adventure...maybe, and probably, I will experience something I wouldn't have otherwise. Be it a smiling neighbor or a hawk in flight, I want to experience life.

Today, if you are fighting something, be it mental, spiritual or physical, I implore you...push through it. Don't let yourself get caught in the quagmire. I have to believe tomorrow will be better. And while I am used to getting slapped upside the head by reality, keeping a positive attitude is beneficial.

In other words, "Don't worry! Be happy!" Life is too precious and short to waste marinating in your sorrows. Yes, they will come, but my advice is, to the best of your ability, be a duck and let them roll off your back and just keeping swimming(or flying)!

Just Give Me Some Ice Cream Already!

I'm not having a very good day. In fact, I haven't had a good day in about 6 days. There are adjectives that describe days like today, colorful words that ladies don't ever say. Not ever(or at least not when children or small animals are around).

I arrived home tonight and sat in the driveway for 10 minutes. I did this because I know that when I get out of the car and walk through the front door I am going to encounter this.

I was really good today. I wanted to eat many bad things but instead I waited until I was hungry to eat lunch and ate cabbage salad. There are many good things about cabbage salad. It is crunchy. It is good for your body. It does not taste like chocolate chip cookies. It does not taste like pizza. It does not taste like French fries. Oops. You see, my brain made my arms lift the fork to my mouth and made my mouth eat the cabbage salad, but my brain could not shut off the craving for everything BUT cabbage salad. My boss told me he was hungry about 3:00pm and I said, "I have cabbage salad. Would you like some?" And he rolled his eyes and walked away. Today, I felt like that too but instead of rolling my eyes I ate it. Why? Because obviously I had not endured enough torture and really wanted to push myself over the edge.

My boss said, "Do you have any chocolate?" And I gave him the candy bar he has been slowly chipping away at for the past week. That I keep in my desk. That I don't allow myself to eat. Because I am strange. I mean really, who does that?

I know what I need. I need a bunny. I need a fluffy bunny that craves love and affection as much as I do. He should be black and have floppy ears and he should get angry when I stop petting him. Oh, look! I found one!

I will hug him and squeeze him and call him Laddie--because that's his name.

Tomorrow is a new day. It should be better than today. It may not be, but it should be. So I'm going to eat some sugar free something(last night it was sugar free peach pie, sugar free muffins and sugar free chocolate--because if it is sugar free, it is calorie free, right?) And I am not going to weigh myself because I won't like what I see. And I will find something good and glorious to be happy about.

Right now I need to chase away the cute and cuddly ground hog that is hanging out in my neighbors yard because even though I told my youngest beastlet to stay away from it "It will gnaw your face off!" He just really wants to pet it. And it's almost as big as he is and I don't want to end this *insert expletive of your choice* day at the hospital explaining why my child was trying to cuddle with a wild and vicious animal even though we have plenty of domesticated animals to cuddle with in the house.

"The Struggle" or "Put that Craving in its Place!"

I've been a little down lately(hey, it happens) and as a result have taken comfort in food a few too many times. Today I resolved not to give in to my carnal desires, and physically, it doesn't feel all that great. So for others struggling to do what is right for their bodies, I thought I would share a little bit of the war I fight when I get sad.

I encounter sweet snacks everywhere. When I walk to the cafeteria, the "packaged for my convenience" cookies twinkle. I could eat 20 and it wouldn't satisfy the "sad" so I move on. My boss asks for chocolate. I hand him pieces from the stash I don't let myself eat. The woman who sits closest to me offers donuts(she's too cute to smack). When I look at my children, they scream ice cream. And don't get me started on the refrigerator. It hums my name constantly. Well, it can hum all it wants tonight. There's nothing sweet in there to eat! I am starving that sucker too!!

But seriously, I resolved to eat a healthy salad at lunch to clean up my body a bit. It was okay. I had fun with it…lots of tomatoes and 6 croutons. And it did what I needed it to do. It ensured that I would begin to go stark raving mad right about 2:30pm when my true hunger kicked in.

I fought the urge to eat a snack because sometimes I want my body to experience hunger for a few hours. That lets me know it's using up the extra fat I stored when I indulged in ice cream and cookies earlier in the week. I drank my water but the cravings rolled over me in waves…strange cravings that even include cedar shavings(like I used to line my guinea pigs cage when I was a child). Why would I start smelling cedar shavings? Go back to the stark raving mad paragraph above.

Sometimes I need to starve my "sad." I need to put my life into perspective. Being hungry makes me think about what is really important. If I eat to feel better I'm diluting the fundamental problem. I have to deal with my emotions, not numb them with sugar.

The other issue that causes my "sad" related cravings to escalate is a skipped workout. I took the day off today to rest my body, and when my brain is deprived of blood, it hurts my psyche. I don't understand it, but I always want to eat more when I don't work out. It's not a hungry eating, it's a "something's missing" eating. Stupid, dysfunctional brain.

It was a slower day at work which contributed to the madness a bit. But I'm sticking to it. Homemade, wheat crust pizza with lots of fresh veggies is on the menu for dinner. I'm looking forward to it. And I'm sticking to my resolve tomorrow too. Salad for lunch. Fruit for dessert. Because I know if I eat lots of fresh veggies for a few days, it will clean the sugar crap out of my system and I will stop craving it.

My cousin posted on Facebook that her work partner was eating a big greasy hamburger while she ate healthy food. She was frustrated but she really encouraged me(which is why I wrote this blog). I am not alone in my cravings and I am strong enough to resist them. I do not need fat and sugar laden goodies to make me feel better. And so what if I see visions of White Castle hamburgers dancing across my desk? I have never claimed to be completely sane. Besides, a little madness makes for a more interesting person.

Despairing? Don't Give Up!

I remember the day I gave up. It was the Summer of 1999. It was a Sunday evening after church. It was hot and humid. I was wearing black denim shorts in the smallest size I had owned up to that point in time, and a white, lacy blouse(this picture was taken a few days later). I was depressed after the demise of an important relationship. I couldn't see through the black cloud of despair to recognize anything good about myself. I didn't care that I had lost 125 pounds. I didn't care that I had a good job, a house, and a family who loved me. All I could see was failure. I remember driving home and deciding that my life didn't matter anymore. So I began to eat.

I thought eating would somehow take away the pain so I perfected the art. I ceased caring about my body because my heart was so wholly ravaged with pain. Nothing anyone said could fix me, so emotionally I lay down and died.

There were other destructive behaviors and consequences I won't go into here, but fourteen years later I distinctly remember feeling as if any hope of personal happiness died at that moment. All of that to say, depression is powerful and distinctly personal. The only way to survive it is to walk through it. I remember realizing God wasn't going to enter into my pain with me. I was completely alone. And I made decision after conscious decision with that in mind. The "church people" had let me down. The person I was in love with let me down. Bring on the Recess Peanut Butter cups. Honestly, that's what I thought.

I watched my weight balloon from 165 pounds to 180 pounds to 200 pounds and eventually to 310 pounds. Every time life got hard or the pain compounded, I bought a bag of chocolate or spent a day in the kitchen baking cookies. I knew exactly what I was doing. Sweets were the band aid on the crack in my dam of pain.

Not everyone eats to feel better. Some people just like to eat. Losing the weight the second time forced me to deal with my emotional issues. I learned that I could no longer use food as a crutch. I would have to deal with my pain head on. And let me tell you, it was really hard. But facing my issues, while painful, was extremely liberating. I have a deep faith in God and I learned that while people fail me constantly, He never abandoned me, even if I perceived that He did. I derived so much pleasure from my early morning walks in the beginning(I still do) as I talked out all my problems with Him and worked out solutions. For those that don't believe, I'm not proselytizing. I'm just sharing my experience. I don't feel I could have lost the weight without my faith. It was the sustaining force through many days when I wanted to give up.

Recently my grandma said to me, "Margaret, you've come a long way." I think I was talking to her about self-confidence and insecurities. I used to think my extended family didn't like me at all. I thought they were only nice because they had to be. I skipped family gatherings because I thought they knew me only as a complete and utter failure and didn't want me there. I couldn't understand why they were nice to my face when they certainly thought I was a mess. I missed out on so many things because I had locked my mindset into "Margaret sucks" mode. My low opinion of myself infected every aspect of my life, and while much of that was childhood baggage, I think that failed relationship, in many ways, was the germ that caused my insecurities to metastasize. Rejection can do that.

In short, I let my emotions get the better of me. I believed the lies I told myself, that I was no good, that I didn't deserve to be happy, that I needed to settle for less than the best. And while I can see now that God is using that for good in my life, I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way.

Today, if you are struggling with something, be it healthy living, depression, shattered expectations or even just a crappy job situation, don't fall into the trap of believing your life is over. Use that experience as a stepping stone to better things. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad, or that you shouldn't grieve. Maybe you have every right to be angry. Get a bat and whack a tree! But don't take it out on yourself. At the risk of sounding cliché, you are good enough, you are smart enough and gosh darn it, people like you. If you get into a pattern of negative thinking, take a moment to write down all of the good things you can think of about yourself. If you can't find anything, call someone you know loves you and make them tell you why you are valuable. If you believe in God, talk to Him about your troubles and ask Him for help. If you don't, maybe that's a place to start.

Today is a new day. It may not be a perfect day but it may be your last day, so don't let it end with a self-defeating attitude. I know it's easier said than done. But I also know that the day I recognized that my life was worth living, that I could say no to food as my drug of choice, that there was hope—THAT was the day I went from self-loathing, bruised and broken Margaret to the person you see today. I hardly recognize the old me, even though all those old memories are still intact.

Last night my husband picked up a photo album. I am attaching the photo he looked at. Do you know what he said? "Wow! I had forgotten how heavy you were." Then he looked at me with a smile and said, "Margaret, I loved you then." My only regret is that I wish I would have loved myself.

What the BLEEP did you say?

I wanted to spend some quality time with my youngest son this weekend. "Big E"(as our chiropractor lovingly refers to him) has a lot of energy so I thought it might be nice to take a walk. I needed to return a Redbox movie so we put on some sneakers and started the trek to the grocery store. The great thing about walking through Ferguson, Missouri is there are so many cool things to see. In less than 4 blocks we see two fountains, a firehouse, the library and two historic cabooses(we can climb on them!). Even better, we get to pick up stray pinecones on the way.

The return trip brought us in close proximity to two neighborhood boys who looked to be about the age of my middle son who I shall lovingly refer to as "Big R." I would have waved and smiled but "Big E" beat me to the punch. He turned around and started calling the boys colorful names, none of which I can repeat here. I was instantly embarrassed and wanted to smack the snot out of my kid, but since I was walking along Florissant Road, I didn't want to give people the wrong idea about my parenting skills, so instead, I took "Big E" by the hand and walked back to the boys. I told him he needed to apologize. I told him we don't call names. I told him "Shame on you!" But he responded by baring his teeth at the boys and growling like a wildebeest. One of the boys said, "Hey! Aren't you Big R's mom?"

It turned out they were classmates and friends of my middle son. My humiliation was complete. I told them I would pass on greetings to "Big R" and continued the walk home. I didn't need to ask "Big E" where he learned that type of behavior. He doesn't go to daycare and he certainly didn't learn those words at church. In fact, he has spent the entire summer hanging with his older brothers who obviously need their mommy to take a good scrub brush to their tongues.

All of this to say, bad company corrupts good character. Like it or not, the people we spend time with rub off on us. That is why it is so important to be discerning when developing new relationships. I have a good friend who waves her hands around a lot when she talks. Well, guess what, now I do too. And I think of her when I do it.

While trying to live a healthy lifestyle, you may realize that the people you live or work with have habits that are not in line with your goals. This is not only frustrating but attacks your resolve to abstain from unhealthy behaviors. Maybe when you are near these people you find yourself cheating on your healthy lifestyle plan. I'm going to say this with utmost respect and understanding---if you want to reach your goals, you may need to put some distance between yourself and these people. You should always try to be straightforward first. Maybe they will listen and give you space. After all, there are many wonderful, respectful people who love and cherish you and want to support you. I'm not talking about them, however. I'm talking about the people who say they support you and then offer you a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. Run, Baby! Run like the wind!

This is a difficult topic but one that bears discussion. I have personally experienced more pressure to eat things I know I shouldn't by people at work, as well as friends and family. I have heard the "You need to treat yourself" argument more times than I can count. The thing is, I really don't need to treat myself. And if I did, don't they think I know how to do that? After all, I did weigh 310 pounds and I didn't get that way by denying myself chocolate cake. And don't even get me started on my significant other, who weighs all of 150 pounds and eats candy by handful. We have been all around the mulberry bush on my journey to lose weight. Thank goodness he now respects me enough to hide the candy from me(that way I don't snatch it from him after I bludgeon him for tempting me).

I feel fortunate that my best friend is very health conscious. She has certainly rubbed many good habits off on me. And I have picked up other "healthy" friends too. They motivate me to stay true to my resolve to keep the weight off, to abstain from processed, sugar-laden foods and keep moving. So I'm going to end this post by stating one other obvious truth…."Good company promotes good behavior." Nuff said!

Unleash Your Inner Crabby

Sometimes the crabby feeling simmers and I brush it off with a smile and move forward. Other times it percolates up slowly. I try to put a cap on it but it continues to build strength until it erupts like a geyser. Today was a geyser sort of day.

Needless to say, I don't always have the reign on my emotions that I need to function like I want to. So I have to stop and get my crabby on before I can move forward. I'm not allowed to unleash my crabby on the people at work. I chomp at the "be nice!" bit my leader has sidled me with and look for fruitful ways to express myself. This morning I dosed my crabby with caffeine(why did I think that would help?) and watched it grow into a full blown creature with rippling arms and giant hairy legs. It picked me up and ran me around the office a few times, and to be honest, I didn't fight it at all.

There are several constructive ways to express your crabby in a civilized office environment. Shredding, stapling, hole punching(I said hole punching not wall punching), and decline meetings people have tried very hard to schedule with your leader and watch them squirm. Another good one is running up and down the stairs(I work in a building with 10 floors). I find expressing myself this way empowers me. There is a certain amount of exhilaration in knowing you can run up 10 flights of stairs with full disclosure that you are harming no innocent bystanders in the process.

Once all your negative energy has been expressed you are free to sob in your fourth cup of coffee and eat French fries for lunch. Okay, I didn't eat French fries because that would be just WRONG, but I pretended to. They tasted like the fries I used to make and gobble with glee at Rax Restaurant. That delightful place went bankrupt back in 1990-something and they had The. Best. Fries. Ever.

What's interesting is that once your crabby has been fully vetted, you are free to return to your regularly scheduled program of feeling sane. And there's really very little carnage. After all, the stairs aren't going to complain that you stomped all over them and so what if you have to buy a new hole punch?

I'm not very good at plasticity. What I mean by that is, it is very difficult for me to pretend nothing is wrong. I have to find some way to express the anguish, frustration and general discomfort in my world or I will go crazy. I don't like that I'm this way and wish I were like normal people. Okay, I don't really wish I were like normal people because then I would be boring. But I'm no good at stuffing my feelings under my shirt. Besides, that makes me look pregnant. Today I found out I can express my crabby fruitfully. And it was so much fun.

Human beings emote. There's no stopping it. And one way or the other we have to manage our emotions. Managing our emotions does not need to involve chocolate, cookies or ice cream. In fact, if you really want to rebel, drinking 3 32 ounce cups of water. That'll keep you hopping. Just remember that when you work in a civilized office environment, stapling your co-workers and punching holes in your earlobes might be frowned upon.

America the Beautiful

I grew up knowing America is a wonderful place to live, maybe even the best place to live on God's green earth. But I never really considered myself overly patriotic. I vote, because men died and women fought for me to have that right. I have a fairly conservative world view but I respect and even seek out the perspectives of others who feel differently. I like to debate with people thought I rarely do, only because most people nowadays are too politically correct. Tsk, tsk, tsk(as my Grandma Allen would say).

I picked up "Going Rogue" recently at the thrift store because frankly, I am fascinated with Sarah Palin. Since she emerged on the national scene in 2008 I respected her fearless nature. Think what you will about her politics, she bravely entered the male dominated political scene with gusto. She debated Senator Biden and allowed her family to be thrust into the glaring media spotlight. She did all of this because she believed she could help America. I was curious to read about her journey from her point of view, not someone else's.

Not only is Sarah Palin smart and witty, she loves this country. If I forget every quote, every funny sentence and every no nonsense idea she presented, I will never lose the fire she ignited in me for America. Sarah loves America as much as she loves her family and that's saying a lot. She gave me an armchair view of Alaska that had me re-reading pages to soak it all in. Her desire to serve her local government was palpable and even gave me a hunger for local politics. In short, she inspired me. But this blog post is not about how awesome Sarah Palin is. I really just wanted to share how her book changed my view of America from something black, white and grainy into Technicolor.

"Our land is everything to us...I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember that our grandfathers paid for it--with their lives." John Wooden

When July 4th rolled around this year I decided to tell everyone I met, "Happy Independence Day!" Every year we celebrate with barbecue, corn on the cob and other various comfort foods(and beer for those who like that sort of thing). And many of us forget the men who died to give us the freedom to roast marshmallows on land we own. When I hear the lyric, "And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there," I envision cold, hungry and tired men searching the smoke filled night to see if the battle was lost. Francis Scott Key wrote those words back in 1814 and they came from a heart that screamed for freedom from oppression. So to my dismay, every person I greeted on the day we celebrate our nation's independence looked at me like I was a little off my rocker when I said, "Happy Independence Day." I still don't get it. We have national cemeteries lined with the bodies of our fathers and grandfathers. They died to preserve our freedoms and we don't have the courage to acknowledge their sacrifice? Everyone I met said, "Happy Fourth of July!" as if it were just another excuse to overindulge.

So when I read "Going Rouge" I was instantly refreshed. Sarah gets it. She is an American. Every day I open up Facebook and read her posts. She shines a spotlight on modern day soldiers and their families. She points out things going on in government that don't make national headlines. And she does all of this at great personal cost. I don't think a lot of people like Sarah. I personally want to be just like her when I grow up, fearless and beholden to no one.

I love America. I love my freedoms. Thank you, Sarah Palin, for teaching me not to be ashamed of my country. Thank you for "taking it in the gut" from the political system. You could have settled with being a hockey mom but instead chose to speak your truth. I may not agree with everything you say, but I am thankful we both have the right to express our opinions. God have mercy on us! I pray we never lose our freedom.