I have made a habit of pushing through when my body isn't "feeling it." My routine is to get up, work out and go to work. I am like a robot on autopilot. So even when I don't feel like it, which has been just about every day of the past two weeks, I did it anyway. Walking, cycling, strength training. That's my rotation. I normally enjoy my workouts but lately I feel like a dead man walking. No doubt about it, this has been really tough.
Yesterday I was jogging a bit and I literally thought, "I just don't want to do this anymore. I feel bad." But I had to keep walking because I was 2 miles from home. That's one way to ensure you finish your workout! I ran past The Ferguson Farmer's Market and encountered a woman walking to her car with fresh produce. She hollered at me, "Hey, you're the girl that writes that column(Ferguson by Foot)." I nodded yes and said, "Have a great day!" Which is what I always say to people I meet in my neighborhood. And her smile was so big and so wide that it was infectious. And I caught it. And I began to smile too. Suddenly, I didn't feel so bad anymore. She gave me the best gift.
This morning I laid in bed with that same heavy feeling in my body but my youngest beastlet was intent that I should get up RIGHT NOW and feed him. And since my routine is to work out, I put on my cycling clothes, after he was fed, and hopped on my bike. The first mile was tough but I changed my routine by taking the scenic route and felt the fog lift from my brain. I knew the hill was coming, the totally terrible hill that leads up into the UMSL campus. I love that hill for the mere fact that once upon a time I couldn't walk up it, much less ride a bike up it. As I climbed(standing up and grinding the pedals to move forward) I crossed under the Metrolink bridge and met a flock of Canadian geese. They flew over my head in this great cloud of feathers and took my breath away. I don't know what it is about birds in flight, but they always amaze me. Not long after that I encountered 4 sparrows who were dusting themselves off in the street. They were rolling about when I startled them and they took to the air in perfect formation. They reminded me of the Blue Angels, rocketing off in different directions.
When I grow up, I want to be a bird. I want to run and jump and soar. Obviously this desire to fly is what led us to create airplanes. I never cease to be amazed at air travel. Every time I fly I can't help but gaze out the window and dream. It blows my mind.
Near the end of my ride a large hawk flew a few feet over my head and then flew next to me, on my left, as I coasted down a large hill. He landed on a street light near the bottom and watched me continue on my journey. He was spectacular. When we drove to church 30 minutes later I noticed he was still there, waiting for the perfect varmint to scurry by. I was so inspired by his grace and majesty. That feeling(joy) roused in my chest and radiated from my skin. And I wondered, what if I chose not to get up and ride my bike? What if I had stayed in bed and wallowed in my suffering?
Sometimes moving is a challenge. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes keeping my appetite in check is impossible. Sometimes it's not. This is life. But no matter the challenges of the day, I refuse to give up or give in. And I don't say that to be trite. I don't have a "Golly, gee whiz, Beaver!" attitude. But I have to remember who I am. I know what my identity is. I am a child of the King. He enables me, sometimes through sheer force of will, to keep going. And sometimes He gives me these moments of grace that are so profound and sweet...that all I can do is weep. I know what my day will look like if I skip my morning workout. I will feel just like I did when I woke up. But if I get up...if I venture outside...if I go on an adventure...maybe, and probably, I will experience something I wouldn't have otherwise. Be it a smiling neighbor or a hawk in flight, I want to experience life.
Today, if you are fighting something, be it mental, spiritual or physical, I implore you...push through it. Don't let yourself get caught in the quagmire. I have to believe tomorrow will be better. And while I am used to getting slapped upside the head by reality, keeping a positive attitude is beneficial.
In other words, "Don't worry! Be happy!" Life is too precious and short to waste marinating in your sorrows. Yes, they will come, but my advice is, to the best of your ability, be a duck and let them roll off your back and just keeping swimming(or flying)!
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