Life after the Storm

Ferguson has been the favorite city of tornadoes in recent years. The monstrous weather events have ripped through my town and left carnage in their path. First, we were hit in 2011. My house was spared but many of my neighbors suffered great loss. My sister had a large oak tree in her backyard that was ripped from its roots and tossed onto her house. The devastation to her neighborhood was brutal. Many of us were glad when 2011 was over. We rebuilt and moved forward.

Fast forward to 2013. Our family now possesses a weather radio. We sat huddled in the basement and listened to it while another tornado ripped past our house. It was eerily reminiscent of the last event only we felt more seasoned, more prepared to deal with the aftermath. We had purchased a gas stove so we could still cook and therefore the next few days without power were not so stressful. Again, my neighbors rebuilt and we all moved forward.

But tonight as I drove through my neighborhood I realized that though the downed trees have been removed and all the buildings have been repaired, the landscape has been forever altered. The sun sets through trees that are broken and missing limbs. Other trees that helped mark January Wabash Park are completely gone. The horizon looks like a row of jagged teeth that have been broken by someone with brass knuckles. It is heart-wrenching. There is no denying we live in a place that has been altered by tragedy.

Personal tragedy is no different. Often when life takes a turn for the worst we shrink into our shells and try to hide our heads, as if we should be embarrassed about our pain because it has made us ugly. All we can see are the broken limbs and missing pieces of ourselves. We think life should have turned out differently. We think we should be more like our friends, who have "perfect" lives and no inherent defects. Somehow we begin to question our value because all we can see is what we think our lives should be and not what it is.

This world is very often a sad place. Bad things happen to good people. Pain interrupts our lives. Tragedy strikes. Sometimes it is preventable, but often it is not. Sometimes it is all we can do to just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, even if it is aimlessly toward the freezer for more ice cream.

If pain has altered the landscape of your life, ask for help. Meet with a friend and seek encouragement. Go for a walk. Eat ice cream, if it helps. But don't give up. You can rebuild. You can forge ahead. While you push forward make sure to focus more on your blessings rather than the suffering you are currently enduring. Perspective can make the difference between despair and hope.

Right now things look pretty bleak in Ferguson. The skyline is not what it once was. The leaves are gone and winter is bearing down on us like a hungry lion. We feel weak and unable to run another step. But winter does not last forever. Before we know it Spring will come and with it buds, flowers and new growth. The greenery will cover what was once broken and life will once again "spring" forth. The same is true with personal pain. If we choose to learn and grow through our suffering, we will come out the other side stronger. More importantly, we will have the hard-won knowledge that comes from surviving, and that is both poignant and priceless.

Joyously Thankful

I woke this morning with a heart both light and full. Today I celebrate God's goodness with family and friends and remember a year filled with goodness. I am grateful for Jesus, my best friend. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my good job and wonderful boss. I am grateful that I continue to walk through difficult times and learn and grow. I am thankful for those of you who read this blog and encourage me with your stories of perseverance and hope. Today, may you all experience joy and love. And remember where our good bounty comes from. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Oh, and I am celebrating with the most wonderful salad in the world, of which I am sharing a picture.

In case you so desire to replicate:

Romaine lettuce

Shredded kale

spinach

cucumbers

shredded carrots

green peppers

I also made buttermilk sugar cookies with buttercream frosting. And while I won't be eating those, I am thankful to share them with my family, who will delight in every morsel!

A Wonder-Filled World

This morning I woke up early and checked the thermometer outside. I usually don't go out if it's below 20 degrees because no matter how many layers I put on, it isn't enough. The thermometer was in a good mood today so I layered up and out I went.

Many people refuse to exercise because it's hard and it's boring. I admit, the first few weeks I walked my 310 pound body around the block it was torturous. But I had an end goal in mind. I wanted to change my life, not just my clothes size. I wanted to lose the weight and never, ever gain it back. Sometimes we must do hard things to learn what a beautiful place this world can be.

This morning the first thing I did was step out into the brisk morning air and look up to the sky. I looked for my favorite cluster of stars(The Big Dipper), and for the moon. The sky never bores me. I am entranced by the stars and the changing shape of the clouds. I am mesmerized by the sky as it changes moment by moment while I walk. Often it is pitch black when I leave and the sun is shining amber rays over the horizon as I approach my house. This ever changing canvas makes exercising wonderful.

Not only does the sky change in the morning while I walk, but the landscape around me changes day by day. Because I live in St. Louis we have this thing called seasons. I get to watch my neighbors flowers sprout and bloom. I watch shrubs grow and thrive. I watch trees bud, flower, and flush green before fading to rusty hues in the Fall. I see squirrels scamper and bark. I watch Raccoons bound into sewers and possums freak out because they can't decide whether to run or, well, play possum. Oh, did I mention I'm exercising while experiencing all of this? I almost forgot.

It's winter now and I'm one of a handful of people still working out in the outdoors. This morning my friend Laura shouted "Hey Margaret" from across the road and I shouted "Hey" at a man riding his bicycle. My morning "work-outs" often feel more like an escape into an alternate reality where the world is beautiful and stress melts away like hot butter, not an awful chore to be endured and loathed. I have been teasing my boss about his new personal trainer. She is working him so hard he lubbs into work like a puddle of warm cheese. That's not my idea of fun. And if I want to maintain this healthy lifestyle, I'm sure as heck not going to be miserable doing it. (He's on his umpteenth trainer in the 7 years I've known him) Sure I have off days. Everyone does. But most days I am tickled pinker than the sky to be outside and moving.

You might think losing weight and getting healthy is impossible. It's not. Start small and work your way up. Tomorrow try 10 minutes and in a month try 20. Whatever you do, don't languish in your house where the only exercise you get is between the couch and the pantry. This world is filled with wonder. Go out and see it. I dare you!

Suffering? Take heart!

Sometimes life grabs us by the throat and throttles us. Whether by illness, grief or bad choices, we find ourselves in a place we don't want to be and with no way out. Sometimes there is no escaping the suffering that overtakes our lives. We have one of two choices, bear up beneath the weight of it, or crumple.

I am really good at crumpling. It's the easier option after all. The storms of life blow and I put the back of my hand to my forehead and twirl in circles right before I "faint." I am well acquainted with the ground, having spent my share of time wallowing in the dirt. And sometimes we need to do that for a minute. We need to cry and grieve whatever it is we've lost, but eventually we have to make the choice to stagnate or pick up and move on.

The one common denominator of suffering is that we bear it uniquely and personally. My pain is not the same as your pain but I still feel it. One person's stubbed toe is another person's cancer. I try to never diminish the sorrow of another person because I am incapable of feeling exactly what they feel. After all, I have never lived their life. My husband likes to use the term "Milk Toast" when referring to someone with less than stellar resilience. But we can never gauge with complete accuracy the intensely personal pain of another person.

As one who has struggled a lot over the years, I think people that don't have problems are weird. I always wonder if they are lying. Is their life really that good? And maybe it is. Who am I to judge? But I would venture to guess that the majority of us have struggled or suffered in some way during our short time in this world. If you are in the "painless" majority, just wait. It's coming.

If you are suffering today with emotional or physical trauma, my heart goes out to you. And I have some advice for you to take or leave, as you see fit. I even promise not to be offended if you slam the door in my face by way of navigating away from this webpage.

1) This too shall pass. It's true, time does heal. Pain leaves scars but eventually the acute pain will fade. Grieve while you must, cry and groan. Cry out for help from true friends who know you well, and let them comfort you.

2) Move. I don't mean just exercise, though it does help to get your heart rate up if you can. But do not stay where you are. I like the verse that says, "Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…" Notice the author doesn't say, Yeah though I lie motionless in the valley…." Move mentally. Move spiritually. Move physically. Just don't stay in that place if you can help it.

3) Rest. Sleep helps the body heal. Be kind to yourself and get at least 8 hours. And then remember #2 above.

4) Forgive(if someone wronged you). Anger only turns to bitterness. Bitterness will eat away at your future joy and leave you hollow. This is not easy. It may take time. But chip away at it and go out and live again. It is especially important to forgive yourself if you realize you made the mistake. Then go make it right if you can.

5) Do something for someone other than yourself who is suffering. Even if you don't feel like it. Do it. Sometimes we have to step outside of our pain and recognize others hurt too. This will take the focus off you for a minute and give you room to heal. And, you will comfort someone who desperately needs it.

6) Listen to music. I often hear lyrics that help me deal with my own issues. I can't explain it. Music truly does soothe the soul.

7) Breathe. Take long deep breaths. They will help your body relax. 8) Learn. We have the opportunity as human beings to fill our brains with knowledge. Use your brain. I often find learning about my issues helps me anesthetize my suffering. And take good notes. You may need to pull them out the next time something awful happens.

9) Let go. All too often I carry the world on my shoulders unnecessarily. Sometimes we just have to focus our attention elsewhere and stop thinking about it. This is a concerted mental exercise but if we practice it, we will heal faster.

The sun may not come up tomorrow. Live today as if it were your last. If you are not suffering, go out and brighten someone's life. Hug your dog. Refrain from yelling at your stubborn child. Stop and howl at the moon.

And here's one that bears repeating over and over and over…. Love. You are here because your parents loved. That tiny seed started something…namely, YOU. You are valuable, lovely and have a purpose. Never forget it.

What is Good Health?

In April of 2010 I knew I was fat but wasn't willing to do anything about it. I didn't want to separate myself from the foods I loved or move enough to burn off my extra padding. Conceptually, I wanted to be skinny and pretty—like most women. I wanted my husband to find me attractive. I wanted to bend over and touch my toes—okay, not really—I just wanted to be able to clip my toenails. But I was locked into a addiction that was worse than any prison. I had no idea I was killing myself emotionally and physically. But rather than address the issues causing me to spiral, I sulked, made excuses, and cried. It was all very unproductive.

Fast forward three and a half years and I am rubbing people the wrong way with my healthy lifestyle. The way some people roll their eyes at me, you would think their eyeballs were loose. Today I feel this deep well of emotion stirring in my soul. I want to educate people on what it means to be healthy. It seems that many people around me have a very loose idea of what good health is and what it truly means to be healthy. Even worse, they don't care. This has made me deeply reflective. Why do I care?

The diet industry is booming. Obviously there is a market for people who want to lose weight or get in shape. But until a person identifies their motives, sets a goal and sticks to a plan, they are no better than me, a decade ago, ordering Hydroxycut and saying a prayer that it would melt the fat off my body. I am so glad I have adjusted my mental faculties into learning discipline, not only because I wanted to lose weight, but because I felt God wanted me to take control of my out-of-control life. I am whole-heartedly convicted that being "self-controlled and alert" is a spiritual and physical discipline. I love the comedian, Jim Gaffigan. He makes no excuses for his fat, pale body. In fact, he's making a lot of money touring the country while making fun of himself for being fat and lazy. Sure it's funny, but he's a comedian and his life is supposed to be a punch line. But when we get serious, we are forced to take a hard look at our lives and our bodies. If we have to make jokes to deal with the pain, something is seriously wrong.

Here is my list(my opinion) of what Good Health is:

1) I am not in chronic pain. (sports injuries aside)

2) I can outrun my children, which means I always win.

3) I'm happy.

4) I don't cry when I open the closet door(anymore).

5) I fit in the driver's seat of my car without pushing the seat back.

6) I don't have any serious illnesses and can fight off reasonable infection without antibiotics.

7) I can climb a flight of stairs without fear of passing out.

8) I enjoy eating lots of fruit and vegetables.

I could go on and on but eight seems like a good number. I used to think I had no say in my health. I assumed I would contract cancer, or some other terrible disease, at any time and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I now know that eating the right food and exercising regularly will help prevent terrible diseases. Take type 2 diabetes, for example. Between 1995 and 2010 the number of diagnosed cases of diabetes jumped by 50% or more in forty-two states and by 100% in eighteen states. These statistics are so staggering that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention is trying to create a strategy to slow the prevalence of this illness. If you don't know, Diabetes causes blood glucose(sugar) levels to rise higher than normal because your body loses its ability to use insulin properly. We also know that sugar feeds cancerous tumors. So why do people insist on consuming it in such vast quantities? Yes, I do know it's tasty but it's killing us!

The tipping point for me was my recent decision to cut dairy and gluten from my diet. Three weeks have passed and I feel like a completely different person. I have lost 7 pounds. My head is clear. I am not obsessing about food anymore. I'm so full of joy and relief that I keep saying, "Thank you, Jesus!" It feels like a miracle and maybe it is. I lost 140 pounds through sheer force of will. If only I had known then what I know now... I never thought in a million years that life could be this good.

I want everyone to have what I have. That is why I am writing this blog. Yes, this world is fractured and imperfect. Yes, there is pain, sorrow and hardship. Yes, bad things happen to good people. But we have one thing we can control, our bodies and what we do with them. I have a serious question for you to consider: Why wouldn't you do everything humanly possible to take care of your body?

Because honestly, I don't see K-Mart having a blue light special on human bodies any time soon.

8 Steps to Get Fit and Stay Fit

I realize I sound like a "how to" manual, but as I was jogging this morning I thought through some of the things I have learned in my journey. It is so overwhelming for a heavy person to even think about going on a diet. Especially if they have tried and failed multiple times. I saw a friend in the grocery store last night and told her about my switch to a gluten/dairy free lifestyle. I know she struggles with depression like me and thought it might be beneficial. I said, "It's really not that hard." She said, "Margaret, you make everything look easy. But it's not easy." It hurt my heart. So how can I simplify what I have learned into a few paragraphs that might help others out there get started? I'm going to try.

1) Forgive yourself for letting your body go. You have value and are worth the effort.

2) Don't buy into the hype. People will try to sell you diet "miracles" the same as they will a Whopper.

3) Sacrifice and then persevere. Your body doesn't know what healthy is. You "think" you want a burrito supreme but your body is probably craving water. You will have to retrain it and yes, it's going to be difficult. But it's worth it. I started by cutting out sugar and refined white flours. I drank water instead of putting food into my mouth. I walked about 15 minutes at first. I weighed 310 pounds and thought it was impossible to lose weight. It is not. You just have to train your body and your mind what healthy is. You will not lose weight eating Recess Peanut Butter cups, no matter how many miles you walk.

4) Relapse happens. Your favorite food is there and you eat it. And then you eat more. And then you realize your whole diet is blown and you may as well call it quits. Walk anyway. Start again. Never give up. Never surrender.

5) Work through your emotional issues with food. It really does all start in the brain. You don't want to eat brussel sprouts, you're not going to eat them. You want some chicken nuggets and you can't stop thinking about them. You get sad. It's not fair that Misty Skinny girl gets to eat heaps of candy and never gains a pound. You hate her. You imagine stabbing her with toothpicks. You give in and eat chicken nuggets and feel like a failure. You are not a failure. You just have to stop the negative self talk. So you don't want Brussels Sprouts? What do you like that is healthy? Find a whole food that is tasty(raisins, lean meat, your favorite leafy vegetable). So you don't like any of those things? Cut sugar out of your diet and your taste buds will change. I guarantee it.

5) Ask for help. I have faithful friends who listened to me cry when it got too hard for me. They help carry the water. And I asked God for help because He is my best friend. I never understate that because I could not have walked through this journey without Him.

Hebrews 2:18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

6) Study hard. Read everything you can about losing weight. Testimonials. Books about nutrition. Get excited and talk about it to everyone. Make them mad with your new smarts about living a healthy lifestyle. Real friends will bear up under it, phony friends will walk away. You didn't need them anyway. I read "Half-Assed-A Memoir" by Jennette Fulda. She lost half her body weight through diet and exercise. Reading that book evoked so many emotions in me and I realized that I too could lose weight. Thank you, Jennette! You inspired me! 7) Have fun! Try new foods you would have never eaten before. For me it was pineapple, guacamole, fish tacos, fresh blueberries. Yes, you may have to eliminate most of what you ate before but that stuff is poison to your body. Discipline your mind to NOT think about the foods you can't have and concentrate on the yummy foods you can. 8) Just keep swimming. Dory said it best in Finding Nemo. What works for someone else may not work for you. Your body is different than mine or your moms. Listen to your body and just keep moving. When I weighed 310 pounds I had to walk around the block and it was awful. When I weight 261 pounds I had to keep walking around the block and it was not as difficult. I knew that if I just kept walking and eating right, I was honoring my body. It was hard work. It was maybe the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but it was worth it. Today is a beautiful, glorious day. I grabbed my workout clothes and jogged and walked 6 miles. I went slow and careful because of my goofy hip. And I had fun. I love the clarity the dairy/gluten free diet is affording me. Today I am making hummus to eat for lunch this week. I amaze everyone at work with my beautiful salads and even fresh guacamole that I made at work in the lunch room. Do I sound like I'm miserable because I can't have Recess Peanut Butter Cups and White Castle? Yes, it took me a minute to get over those cravings in the beginning but they did pass. I have lost 140 pounds. I never thought it was possible. What can you do to improve your life?

Now go get 'em!

From Insecure to Overcoming

I remember what it felt like to sit down in a chair and wonder if it was going to break. Even worse, would I fit at all? Or when I talked to my doctor and explained how I kept working out but I wasn't losing any weight and asked him to check my thyroid. He patted me on the leg-smugly I might add-and said, "Now, Dear, you know about all those snacks you're eating." I was mortified. I was fat and felt a strong mixture of embarrassment, disappointment in myself, and hopelessness. Every. Single. Day.

When I look at a heavy person today I wonder who they are on the inside. What are their hopes and dreams? Who do they want to be when they "grow up"? Are they happy or do they wish they could fade into the background like I used to? And then I wonder, if they knew my story, would they be inspired to try to lose weight one more time? Or am I simply projecting all of my issues on to that anonymous person? Maybe they like carrying around extra weight. And who am I to judge if they do?

I used to think skinny people didn't have problems. Maybe it was because I so desperately wanted to be thin. I thought if only I could lose the weight, all of my problems would fade. I thought I deserved to suffer, that I wasn't worthy of love because I was so undisciplined. And in my deepest moments of pain I grabbed the mixer and whipped a batch of chocolate "bliss" cookies and slowly numbed the pain.

When I think about what my life used to look and feel like, I experience sadness tinged with relief. It's true, I'm not a prisoner in my own body any longer, but more importantly, I'm not bound by cords of negative thinking. Somehow I found the escape route. And the joy I feel now motivates me to share my story because I want others to experience that too.

I began this journey three and a half years ago armed with very few resources and little hope that I could accomplish my goal...to lose 100 pounds. I suffered through agonizing withdrawals from my favorite foods and torturous walks up *gasp* hills(plural!). I cried a lot. I was angry at myself quite frequently. But I refused to give up because I knew to surrender to my desire for food would never, ever make me truly happy.

My first winter, when it was too cold to walk outside I taped workout routines on television(Gilad and Kathe). I picked up a kickboxing video by Kathy Smith and effectively pulled my ribs out of joint punching and kicking all over my living room. I strained my Achilles tendon. My knees ached. And last but not least, I tore the cartilage in my hip. But I didn't lose my resolve to stay healthy. If I could never work out another day in my life(because I became a quadruple amputee) yes, I would be sad, but I would still do everything in my power to eat right and move(even if I had to have my husband push me around in a wheelbarrow.

Yesterday I had the distinct pleasure to meet Kathy Smith in person. I was able to share a little bit of my story and get my picture taken with her. It was such an honor to meet her, not because she's a celebrity, but because I know she shares my passion for physical and mental fitness. I have always wondered if I had the opportunity to do a live aerobics class, would I be able to keep up. I don't have to wonder any more. This morning I had the privilege to work out with Kathy Smith live and I did more than keep up, I had fun.

I love my life. I love the healthy body I have worked so hard for. I know I am blessed because there are many people in this world who do everything right and are still unhealthy, through no fault of their own. I will never take it for granted. I also know I am still Margaret and I still struggle with food addiction. But it doesn't define me. I am fighting it with every sinew in my body. I am studying and learning everything I can to take care of my one and only body. I no longer fret and worry over "having to work out every day for the rest of my life." I just go out and enjoy it.

I'm not worried about chairs breaking when I sit down any more. And for that I am deeply thankful. Getting from there to here has been a long and winding journey, but I wouldn't change a single second of it. Because every (painful) step, every unsatisfied craving, and every tear I wiped on my sleeve brought me to where I am today. The place where I am doing planks in my living room while my youngest son says, "Mommy, you look like a bridge." Yes, Son. I do. And you know what? I feel as strong as a bridge too.

A Light at the End of my Dark Tunnel

Just call me Tap Dancing Tonya! I've got rings on my fingers and bells on my toes and I'm feeling awesome wherever I go. There is nothing better than running on clean fuel. I took a pit stop on Sunday when I tried to bake gluten free cornbread. And while it was mighty tasty, within an hour of eating it, I was pretty sick. Even though it didn't have wheat, my body did not like the highly processed flours. And because I had been feeling so great up until that point in time, I took it rather hard. It was kind of like getting smacked upside the head with Thor's hammer.

As I ate my salad at lunch today I realized that people spend large sums of money on drugs designed to fix their ills and I'm fixing mine with healthy food. I can eat something yummy and good for my body for about $3.00 and feel clear and sparkly, like those pictures they put on spring water that is sold in the grocery store. It sounds crazy and utterly too good to be true, but I’m living proof that it's possible.

I can manage multiple projects. I have extra energy. I'm happy. And I didn't even murder my children when they flooded the house the other night. And all because I cut a couple things out of my diet? Wow! If I had known this, I would have done it years ago.

The stress at work has been high this week. There is so much going on, and I really hate to think how I'd be handling it if I hadn't made this change. Now I'm not saying it would work for everyone, but it sure is working for me. My point is this, if you are sad, tired and sick of being overweight, if you hate your life and don't know why, if you think about walking into the headlights of oncoming traffic,(don't do that!), and you are willing to try anything, start by changing your diet. Food is the fuel by which our bodies run. It won't hurt you to eat more vegetables and less refined white flour/sugar. Making that small sacrifice might just drastically improve the quality of your life.

I have been living with depression for years and never understood why I felt so bad. Now I see the cycle. And what's so awful about it is that I would eat cookies and candy to help me feel better when they were really making everything worse. I may not have a full on gluten/dairy allergy, but my body is so much happier without them. I would pay a lot of money to fix my depression. If I knew of a sure fire pill, I would take it. So why not adjust my diet? It just makes good common sense.

I am so thankful God is showing me how to take care of myself. Life is hard. Life is imperfect. And we all have a lot of problems. So if I can change this one small thing(yes, I'm calling a gluten/dairy free diet a small thing) I am pleased as punch. It's one thing I can control. And hopefully, by sharing this with people, maybe someone else will find a way to help lessen their depression too.

One of These Things is Not Like the Other

That thing would be me. It is so much fun to be different. It catches people off guard. Like, when I’m walking down the hall and I see a casual acquaintance and I wave erratically to say hello instead of the standard, smile and nod greeting that is common in the workplace. People smile more when I do these things. Like when I get excited about my grapefruit and toss it in the air like a baseball and catch it as I "celebrate" back to my desk. I like to think people are happy that I seem to be enjoying myself. They are definitely not thinking, "There goes the lunatic again."

Today is Friday the 13th. I know the calendar says November 1st but it lies. Because too much wild and wacky stuff happened today for it to be a normal day. Oh, and the moon is full too. You don't need to look at the sky. You can take my word for it. Most of the day I felt much like a ping pong ball bouncing back and forth between two deranged orangutans. This is how I earn my paycheck, bobbing back and forth. Ask any executive assistant. That is how we roll. And I have every reason to be crabby about it. I could stamp and moan. I could grab a cigarette, make my face pruny and scowl. I could blather on about crossed wires and fake-outs, malfunctioning scanners and goats but nobody wants to hear about that anyway. And besides, kicking the goat isn't going to make my job easier.

Today I am celebrating. Why, you ask? Well, I feel like I've been set free. I have this raging food addiction that drives me batty just about every day of my life. Like a 16 year old boy thinks about sex, I think about food. I'm not kidding. It's that bad. One of the ways I got through the first month with no sugar was by fantasizing about eating chocolate chip cookies. That can't be normal. But yesterday was Halloween and I didn't crave candy at all. In fact, I gathered a giant bag of candy from work and brought it home to my husband and teenage son(that's how I know about the sex thing) and watched them eat it while I snacked on pumpkin seeds and raisins. And I wasn't unhappy. In fact, I was completely satisfied. So here is where I let you under the tent…. where I explain how this could be humanly possible.

I had an injection of alien DNA and I am now cured forever of my addiction. Okay, that's not entirely true, though my mother might attest to the fact that I've always been a little "off." I decided to cut sugar, diary and gluten from my diet. I am on day four and I feel like a million ducks. And I feel so good I don't miss them. Really. And I hope like crazy I continue to feel this good. Because if it's that easy to get rid of my depression, man, I am one lucky girl! And no cravings and constant thinking about when I get to eat again. Holy mother of jackpots! I'm a winner!

So if I'm strutting around the office waving my arms like a twitchy cricket, and serenading people who walk into my cube with "Hello Dolly," well, who can blame me? People like positive energy. In fact, I have seen more genuine smiles today than I have all week. Bring on the crossed wires, malfunctioning scanners and belching goats. Besides, I've got some really great Groucho Marx impressions to polish up on.

*Disclaimer – no goats were harmed during the writing of this blog.