Never Say Diet

I had great fun over the holidays but Monday hit with a hard clash and sent me trudging back to the office. I forgot my breakfast. I forgot my jewelry. I even forgot the password to my workstation. That is how thoroughly I checked out of work. While working through the piles of email today, I felt my mind drift to the great books I read over my break. I love vacation for reading. I feel like I learned a lot and had fun. So I decided to share all my learning's with you, my humble readers.

I found a cookbook at the thrift shop titled, "The Never Say Diet Cookbook" by Richard Simmons. It is arguably the best reading cookbook I have ever picked up. In fact, I stayed up way past bedtime last night to continue reading. That man has more personality in his pinky than I do in my rumpus and that's saying something. Yes, Mr. Simmons seems like a wacky weirdo who sells cheesy workout tapes and hams it up for the camera. But in reality he totally gets the weight loss conundrum we all face and shows us how to practically live a healthy lifestyle. He calls it the "Live-it" instead of a "Diet" because he intends for the reader to stay on this life-plan for, well, life. His main points are eat less and exercise. But he has some very funny anecdotal quips:

When introducing you to meats he says"

"I sure hope you like chicken because chicken likes you."

When going through things you will need in the kitchen:

"This is your sink. Your sink is your friend. You wash your fruits and veggies here. The sink is your baptismal font where you will start your Live-It life anew." (this had me cracking up!)

And then he takes you through how to clean out your fridge and freezer.

"Now let's look up in the freezer. Oh my God, no! Frozen Milky Ways? Three different kinds of ice cream? A Sara Lee pound cake? Hawaiian Punch popsicles? I can't believe my eyes, TV dinners? Well, excuse me, folks, we've obviously taken you into an X-rated freezer."

He does a whole stint on your new morning routines with pictures of stretches(remember leotards?) And then cinched it with this quip about morning snack breaks:

"I'm cleaning up this town, and you are on my hit list. That means I'm going to come over and personally hit you if I see you put one more crumb to your mouth between breakfast and lunch."

Can I just admit it? I love Richard Simmons. Everything he writes makes complete and total sense. I love his "I don't count calories" approach and truly wish I had run across this book and its predecessor earlier in my journey. My only beef with the cookbook is his approach to low-fat meals. I have never bought into the low-fat craze and until only recently loved to eat my share of whole milk dairy products. I do love that in the early 1980's he was promoting whole grain pastas, long before they were popular. Oh, and the recipes look fantastic!

The other book I have been reading is called "Grain Brain" by David Perlmutter. I don't know if I can adequately put into words how I feel about this book. Part of me still thinks a dairy free/gluten free lifestyle is for kooky health nuts. But most of what Dr. Perlmutter presents by way of various medical studies makes complete and total sense to me. His correlation between whole body health and brain inflammation is startling(a word he uses quite frequently). I started reading this book after I began my little experiment with cutting out dairy and gluten and much of what he writes seems applicable to me. He recommends a diet high in (healthy) fats and low in gluten and carbohydrates. And while I think studies can be biased, in my humble opinion, the research presented in this book definitely addresses rise of gluten intolerance in the American population, among other things.

Here are a few things I have learned from this book:

1) Alzheimer's is preventable via dietary changes early in life.

2) Cholesterol is a critical brain nutrient essential for the functions of neurons. (what does this say about low-cholesterol diets? Are we starving our brains with low-cholesterol diets?)

3) Food sensitivities(and resulting inflammation) are usually a response from the immune system.

4) Sugar is Toxic(wait-I already knew that!)

5) Brain Inflammation can cause anxiety, depression, seizures, and migraines(among many other things).

So this book is not really just about grain, but about preventing disease in general. I find it extremely informative with a lot of facts(by way of studies) to back up the information presented. More importantly, the information just makes sense to me as I work towards conquering my food addiction.

When not obsessing about living a healthy lifestyle,(the other 10 minutes of my day) I have read several novels. I love a good fiction book. I picked up Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine which was fabulous, and The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells, by Andrew Sean Greer. With so much good fiction on the market I find myself completely satisfied. Now if only I could finish my book.

One other random tidbit of note: Trader Joe's is awesome. I've seen people go on about this chain and I never bought into the hype. I am utterly sold. I discovered their Simply Lite gluten free/dairy free/sugar free 50% cacao bar and fell in love. They have so many amazing products that fit my lifestyle and it makes me so happy. I especially love their coconut chips. So even while abstaining from cookies, pies and other various holiday desserts, I was completely happy and not at all deprived.

Once I try one of the Richard Simmons recipes I will post the recipe with pictures. And you may hear more about Grain Brain as I'm only 62% of the way though(God bless Kindle which enables me to read while riding the elliptical of doom!)

Happy Monday, y'all!

Happy Post Christmas

So, let's be honest, how many of you are suffering from gorged stomach syndrome? I don't know what that is. I totally made it up. But I would define it as stuffing my stomach so full I can feel it in my esophagus. I totally did that over the holidays. The good news is, I stuffed myself mainly with veggies, protein and fruit. I have not eaten one Christmas cookie, though I did enjoy baking them for my friends and family. I did eat cake at work but after it made me very ill that was the end of my sugar binge. I have managed to lose a few pounds over the month of December and I don't feel deprived of anything. I don't say all of this to rub it in anyone's face. I only want to point out that it is possible to eat right, exercise and not gain weight over the holidays.

But I have good news for those of you who weren't so fortunate. If you picked up a few pounds or simply want to change your lifestyle, it's not too late! You can quite literally start eating right and exercising right now. So stop the pity party, pick up your feet and dance!

Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away here. I found this dress at the thrift store and couldn't resist it. I know I have no place to wear it so I put it on Christmas Day and walked around the house and pretended I was a princess. Best Christmas gift to myself ever!

Also, one of my good friends came into town over the holidays and we had the good fortune(and timing) to get to work out together. We walked 4.6 miles through beautiful Ferguson, MO and caught up on each other's lives. It was one of my holiday highlights. She, like many, struggle with finding motivation to eat right and exercise. Living a healthy lifestyle is as important as you make it. If you don't make it a priority, it won't be. I know my friend will find her way and I wish her every success!

I have thoroughly enjoyed the holidays. I loved the time spent with my family. I loved reminiscing on what Christmas means to me personally...Jesus made flesh. I enjoyed my week of vacation(no work!) I will head back to work on Monday but this year there will be no January blues. I am still sticking with my dairy/gluten free diet and am battling depression no more. Today I am extremely grateful that God has set me free from my addictions. So as Phil Robertson would say, I truly am, happy happy happy!

Christmas is Coming!

I have been very consumed with holiday preparations. For the first time in maybe ever, I started Christmas shopping early. Granted, early for me is 3 weeks prior to Christmas. I also baked 6 kinds of Christmas cookies. I have been filled with joy as I give them to my friends and co-workers. Next week I get to share them with my family. Am I evil for gifting these sweet treats? I have decided I am not.

This past weekend was the first of several family get-togethers. We had a snow delay when a storm hit Missouri on Saturday and I was sad that several relatives were not able to attend on Sunday. It was so nice to see my aunts, uncles and cousins. The whole time I was there I had this feeling of indelible warmth and security. I thought about how these people are constants in my life. They have shaped who I am. We don't only share genetics, we share history and beautiful memories. My aunts seem as beautiful to me now as they did when I was 12. And their kindness seems to know no bounds. I hope that when I grow up I am 1/5th as wonderful as they are.

In the past my holidays were fraught with worries over irresistible desserts. Not this year. My dairy and gluten free diet give me the peace to say no to all wonder of goodies. And I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out. If anything, I feel unencumbered by the weight of worry and guilt so that I can more fully enjoy myself. I am filled with joy and peace, and Christmas isn't even here yet!

I would like to share one picture from Sunday. I was able to see my cousin, Jake, who is home on leave from the Air Force. When I saw him in the flesh I was so proud and humbled that I just hugged him and then asked to have my picture taken with him. It feels like he is a celebrity. He has been stationed in Alaska for the past year and is now headed off to other exotic countries. I am praying for his safe return!

If it sounds like I've fallen off the wagon with my workouts, I haven't. If anything I am enjoying running outside more than ever! I feel stronger and healthier than I have in my whole life. So while I celebrate the birth of Jesus while enjoying the company of my family and friends, I am so grateful for the gift of good health. I never for one day take it for granted.

Don't be Such a Show Off!

The past several days have been unseasonably warm. That would be great except they have been gray, humid and well, kind-of gross. It's not like spring, where there is the hope of 70's and green grass. It's December. I personally feel December should be cold(not too cold) and snowy(which should melt within 2 days). December should NOT be humid and warm.

So when I peeled myself from my bed this morning, grumpy and sullen, I felt a distinct sense of, "I don't want to go to work today. I want to stay home and sulk." And why shouldn't I? I could skip my workout. I could turn on Lifetime television. I could wear soft fuzzy pants(they make me happy) and eat raisins and chocolate all day. No one would have to know. Because some days the only person I feel accountable to is me and I'm not in the mood to lead. Today, I would rather be a slacker.

But….(and it's a big butt!)…

My crazy, healthy, evil twin was not having any of that today. She put me in my place and said, "Hey, you! Lazy buns! It's 50 degrees outside in December and I don't care how gray and gloomy it is. Get your booty out there and move!" Yes, I do talk to myself and listen, I've never pretended to be sane. If you want normal, visit another blog.

So I turned on my favorite tunes(this morning it was the book of Hebrews) and marched up my street and into the great wide open.

While my crazy, healthy, evil twin whipped me into shape I humbly obeyed. For I really am a weak-willed, lazy, sugar-fiend. She had me jogging(when I wanted to walk) and pumping my arms when I wanted to flop in the middle of the street in rebellion. But when I completed my first mile, I started to feel like maybe she did have my best interests at heart.

Then it started to drizzle. Sweat and rain dripped into my eyes and I realized I was hot. Except these facts did not make me cranky, they ramped up my determination to show that crazy, healthy, evil twin how strong I really am.

All of this to say, something really cool happens to your body when you push yourself. It's not just physical, though endorphins are really awesome. It's emotional and spiritual too. Disciplining one's body by forcing it to do something it doesn't inherently want to do, gives you a feeling of accomplishment. By making yourself do something difficult, you begin to realize it bears fruit. How, you ask? Well, taking control of your life by harnessing your body is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. Walking up that hill might take your breath away the first few times, but on the 5th trip, when you make it to the top without gasping for air or clinging to the curb, a light bulb will go off in your brain. You will say, "Hey, I didn't think I could do that but I can. Holy mother of Moses! I am stronger than I thought!" Persevering through demanding physical work makes us strong emotionally, as well as physically. Yes, working out feels like crap when you are out of shape. But if you make a habit of it, you will begin to feel REALLY good.

So I was driving to work and still a little out of sorts. It was still rainy and still drizzling and traffic was not fun. So I turned on my favorite Switchfoot album(okay, they are all my favorites) but today it was "Bullet Soul." And I danced in my seat while I was sitting on the highway waiting for the log jam to move. It was awesome. And I thought to myself, this is why I got healthy. So I could FEEL like I won the lottery even though all I'm doing is sitting in my car. So while I get awfully aggravated at my crazy, healthy evil twin and want to tell her, "Don't be such a show-off", I am secretly giving her a high five. Because when I danced up the stairs into work today, while all the other drones were dragging @ss, I realized I may be completely insane, but I no longer weigh 310 pounds and that is one heck of a reason to celebrate.

Fun with Flatulence

If you are easily offended, maybe you should skip this column.

Still reading? Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I ate a high fat meal for dinner last night and found myself feeling a bit bloated this morning. After I ran, I cooked my hard boiled eggs and drove to work, as I usually do. But on the way to work I had a wonderful idea. A gloriously wondrous, momentous idea. Maybe if I ate my favorite cabbage salad for breakfast WITH my hard boiled eggs, it would help clean out my system and wash away the bad fats I was bedeviled with. I really do love my cabbage and I freely admit I enjoyed every bite.

But when lunch time arrived I realized all I had was my hummus. So I went to the café to get some veggies to go with it. Low and behold they had fresh steamed brussel sprouts. Miracle of miracles! It is my new favorite veggie so I got extra. And I got steamed carrots for dessert. YUM!

Recap:

Breakfast: Large bowl of grated cabbage and hard boiled eggs.

Lunch: Hummus(bean dip), brussel sprouts, and steamed carrots.

Around 2:00pm I ate my big bowl of red grapes and sighed with joy. What an utterly wonderful food day. I felt so clean and shiny inside. I drank my water with glee and smiled at what a "good" girl I was.

And then it was 3:00pm and I felt a strange rumbly in my tumbly. And then it happened. Toot! Toot! And there wasn't a train in sight. And it smelled very bad. And that was only the beginning. As it got increasingly worse and there was no containing it, I began to worry. What do the people in the cubes next to me think? Do they know from whence the farts originate? Are they all choking and crying and gasping for air but afraid to offend me? Or is it really not that bad and I'm over reacting?

I was so relieved(pun intended) when 4:15 arrived and I began to wrap things up. And then one of the men I work with came into my cube to tell me something. And I could swear I saw him wriggle his nose. And he didn't intimate that he smelled anything but he cut the conversation short and slowly backed out of my cube. And it really would have been funny except that I was horribly embarrassed.

So today I learned a lesson. Keep beano on hand at all times. For I do love my fresh veggies, but it feels terribly wrong to inflict such intestinal carnage on my co-workers. Learn from my unfortunate experiences, my friends. And do not become a helpless victim of flatulence.

No Such Thing as Moderation

If you haven't figure it out already, it's the holiday season! That means gluttony reigns supreme and moderation is the wicked step-sister. Poke her in the eye and put her in the back seat, boys! It's time to chow down. It is a time of excruciating mind games for the compulsive eater and I am not immune, no matter what my co-workers, friends or strangers-who-think-they-know-me assume. Saying I like to eat is like calling a pig, well, fat.

So bring on the bacon! It's December 2nd and time for my first(of many) holiday lunches. For those who can't attend, send in your dessert order early. It will be delivered to your desk because heaven forbid you miss that 2,000 calorie double-decker chocolate cake. So how does a food addict survive? Do I pretend to be sick and bow out? Do I attend and watch everyone else eat? Do I act self-righteous and talk about how good I am because I don't eat sugar/dairy/gluten? (That is a sure fire way to make new friends and influence people). Or do I simply get a plate and nibble(which is sort-of like being stapled and hung from a magnet)?

With all that in mind, here is my early Christmas gift to you, 8 strategies to survive the holiday feast:

1) Eat lots of veggies. So you hate Brussels sprouts? Get over it! Like Nike says, Just do(eat) it! Seriously. They will have carrots. And carrots are sweet. Eat those instead of cheesecake balls. It's kind-of the same thing.

2) Eat before you go. If you're not hungry, you can't eat too much.

3) When someone passes the bread, say you need to use the restroom. Stay in there for 15 minutes and come out holding your stomach. Constipated look is optional but very effective.

4) Whistle. If you're whistling you can't put food into your mouth.

5) When someone offers you "bad" foods, wave your hand in the air and say, "I never did mind about the little things." (I learned this from the movie Point of No Return) You get bonus points if you imitate Bridget Fonda.

6) Hire Gordon Ramsay to follow you around. Let him taste everything first. After he dissects and articulates how awful the food is, you will have lost your appetite.

7) Pretend you are a nun and eating said food is a cardinal sin. Seriously. Be stern with yourself. You know you are going to regret it later, so save yourself the heartburn and emotional anguish and just say no.

8) Finally, toss your plate in the trash. If you have a weakness for certain foods and people force them on you like Attila the "Food" Hun, throw it away. Carry it around on your plate for a while and when no one is looking, just trash it. My friend Becky has a weakness for Brach's Candy Pumpkins. People send them to her in the mail because they think she is deprived. When she is strong, she puts them directly in the circular file. I know it feels wasteful, but if you remember that kind of "food" is toxic to your body, you will be more apt to forgive yourself.

So there you have it. I survived my first holiday lunch by employing several of the strategies listed above. I'll let you guess which ones. Mix and match to your heart's content. Then share anecdotes with your friends. It's more fun that way. And if you have additional strategies, please sound off in the comments. I love picking up new ideas!