I am currently in a cycle of life that affords me little time for leisure. I rush from activity to activity. Even when I am still, my brain reels through reams of information as I try to sort out what my next plan of action is. My work is never done.
I consider it inevitable that I will eventually arrive at a place in life where time stretches before me like a desert, harsh and barren. If I am lucky, my body will age and deteriorate. I will have the benefit of watching my children grow up, marry, bear children and enter the chaos I now deal with on a daily basis. They will probably be too busy to call or visit and I will sit in my easy chair and long for the days when they cried for me to kiss their wounds. Because I am aware of these things, I count every moment I am able to move with them as precious. I also consider the time I have with my children to be among some of the most important moments of my life. I want to teach them all the things I have learned the hard way and prevent them from making the same mistakes. Unfortunately, they rarely listen.
My sons have recently been engaged in activities that best resemble the antics of Larry, Moe and Curly. They oscillate between anger, mischief, fun and eye doinking in turn. I am often frustrated by their lack of respect for each other and my sensitive ears. I long to wrap them up in my arms and hug away all that animosity for each other. How I wish I could give them new hearts for each other! But alas, I am left with only my own regrets to share as instruction on how NOT to treat their brothers.
We reached a fevered pitch last week when, left to their own devices, they turned on each other with malicious intent. A simple lecture from their overwhelmed mother wasn't cutting it, so I sat them all down on the couch and tearfully explained that the damage they were inflicting on each other would last for a lifetime. I told them how much I regret fighting with my own brother and sister(tormenting them is a better word) and how the wounds from those battles have resulted in scars we all carry with us to this day. I told them we have a very limited amount of time to live together and learn to care for each other. Then I made them listen to a Bible story about two brothers. One brother's unbridled anger gave way to murder and the one left standing lived out his years in exile because of it. My 17-year-old rolled his eyes incessantly and my 6-year-old couldn't control his maniacle laughter(You would just have to meet him to understand) and was sent to his room. I feel like I try so hard to be a good mom but they rarely respond the way I want them to. I sat in my chair and sighed. Parenting young children is not often very rewarding for me. I see their fierce wills and stubborn hearts and I know they got those traits from me. While I understand life in extreme intimacy tends to fray nerves and bring out the very worst in all of us, I keep trying to teach them to practice tangible love. Tangible love means not pounding one's brother because he broke your Lego ship.
Self-control is such a byword in modern society but I believe it is a staple of civilized life. Indulging too heartily in our appetites, whether they be anger, lust, food, gossip, etc. does not make our communities or families stronger. People that never learn to reign in their emotions and caustic behaviors can pass on that cycle of abuse to the next generation. I am trying to learn, and by example, teach my children that when they get upset they should stop, take a deep breath, and count to ten. Make every action or word intentional. Treat other people as if they are precious, because they are.
It's easy to let fear or anger blind us to the points of view of others. We don't take the time to stop and consider how our words or actions affect someone else much less what their thoughts or feelings are. Sometimes asking simple questions can breech a communication gap when indulging in emotional outbursts only exacerbates the problem. This takes discipline that can only be learned with diligent practice. We have an abundance of time, but we often use it poorly because we take it for granted.
Human relationships are hard. I think that's why most people like to keep pets. We don't have to work so hard for them to love us. But that doesn't mean we should give up trying to make our human relationships better. No matter what season of life we are in, we should strive to improve our lives and relationships. My dad once told me he didn't want me to have a life filled with regrets. Regret is inevitable, but we can purposefully strive to avoid it.
This morning I chose to skip my workout. I went to the grocery store and picked up necessities for my family. This was a great sacrifice for me. But upon my return, my 17-year-old told me he loved me. I hugged my 13-year-old son and told him I loved him and was proud of him. I gave my 6-year-old son hugs and kisses and tickled his ribs. I made an intentional decision to treat those moments with my children as if they were my last. I fail miserably at this most of the time, but I am purposefully trying to be the best mom I can be. I can't change their hearts, but I can love the dickens out of them trying.
As I think about it, maybe the best gift I can ever give to my family is time; time to hear their hurts, time to hug or cuddle, time to teach love instead of hatred. Precious are the moments we share with those we love. We should never take them for granted. Remember that the next time you are rushing from one task to the next and find yourself irritable and short-tempered. A day will come when you no longer have the luxury of time.
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