Love and Wonder

It's Wednesday evening and I've had a busy day. I attended a Women's Conference and met a great speaker, Susan Crook, who talked about how to "unleash your inner power." She teaches for Skillpath but is also a talented writer and Christian. Here is a link to a book she wrote "Personality Insights for Moms" that I cannot wait to read. I knew it was going to be a good day when she referenced, with pictures, the people who inspire her: Corrie Ten Boom(a Holocaust survivor) and Joni Earekson Tada(my personal hero and a paraplegic woman who helps others who are disadvantaged). I learned about how to deal with people who are stressed out and how to create an organized and interesting work space. I networked with people from Edward Jones, the company I work for, and took gobs of notes. But the most important thing I learned was about not giving up on my dreams. She encouraged us to take the necessary steps to pursue our passions and I plan to do just that. She also expressed how important exercise is for stress relief and personal peace. I did not share my story but instead chose to listen and let others speak into my life. All the gears in my brain were cranking and I walked out of the conference feeling like a shiny new penny.

It was really nice to step away from my life for a minute and focus on self-improvement. I am a full-time working mother which means I have very little time to myself. When I'm not working or parenting or exercising, I'm cooking to feed three growing boys.

Tonight as I stood over the stove and worked on dinner I thought about how crazy busy I am and how I rarely sit down when I'm at home. I was thinking about how I am sick and tired of cooking. My boys eat so much! And since I'm averse to fast food(which includes frozen pizzas and boxed meals from the grocery store) I spent an enormous amount of time preparing nutritious meals from scratch. I was beginning to feel really cranky when I realized that in a few short years, my boys won't be at home with me anymore and I probably won't have anyone to cook for. I envisioned myself standing in the kitchen, looking in my sink and feeling lost. My children are such a huge part of my world. Even as I write this they are squabbling from their bunk beds while I desperately try to concentrate. But one day my house will be silent and I will most likely be alone.

So while I was trying to boil water and roast chicken, I began calling my boys in one by one. I asked them about their day and what was good and what was bad. Then we sat and talked while we ate. We didn't make it through our prayer before dinner because they were fighting and I gave up because I didn't want to lose my temper. Instead, I just soaked it all in. My teenager sulked and my youngest tickled his older brother who kept yelling "Cut it out!" On a normal day I might have boiled over, but today I had peace. I made a decision to enjoy every crazy moment.

In a few short hours I'll start all over again. My alarm clock will buzz and I will lay there and wish I didn't have to go to work. Then I will consciously drag my saggy butt out of bed and crunch and plank my way to happiness. Tomorrow may be my last day on planet earth. Tonight may be my last chance to hug and kiss my children. We just never know. But in this moment, this crazy-sane second of pure contentment, I will sigh to myself and just soak it all in. Because I just had the best cherry popsicle kiss good night. And I hear an electric guitar wailing. And I hear the quiet tick of a Kindle e-book being devoured. And it's not because I'm the best mom in the world and I never make mistakes. But it does have everything to do with love. I never knew my heart could be so full of love and wonder that my body would forget to be exhausted. Today my heart is full to bursting and I am glad!