The Lucky Mushroom of Gladness

So, it's that time of year again. You know, the time when the trees bloom, the daffodils and tulips rise from the dead and morel mushrooms make their appearance. I've been driving myself crazy hiking through the woods, grubbing around in the dirt, digging through leaves and poking snails. Last night I had an interesting encounter with three deer who were staring at me through the trees as I stared back. I wanted to run up and give them a hug but I didn't want to get kicked in the face or worse. However, I'm not having a very good mushroom year. Which really makes me grumpy.

Okay, let's be clear, mushroom hunting is a very healthy activity. Hiking up ridges and down into valleys is definitely a good cardio workout. Bending and crawling through brush is kind of like strength training. And swinging my walking stick around definitely makes me feel like Chuck Norris so what could be wrong with that?

The truth is, I really have a severe mushroom obsession. It's sad, really. I dream of mushrooms regularly throughout the year and come the end of March I begin to mentally salivate over the elusive morel. I honestly can't say what it is. I don't eat that many at a time, but I long to find the "mother lode" so that I can freeze them and have mushrooms with my dinner all year long. I will literally spending every waking moment I'm not at work conniving at ways to find my precious treasure. Last night I drove 30 minutes to my "secret" spots in the woods and came away with 2 measly mushrooms. I threw them on the counter with a careless air and my youngest beastlet squealed. "You found some!" I said, "Only two little ones. I think I'm going to throw them away." He put his six-year-old fists on his hips and said in his sternest voice, "You are not! I will eat them!" Morels really are the mushroom gold at the end of the rainbow. I guess even two tiny morels are a treasure.

This past weekend we hiked around Cuiver River State Park. It was a truly lovely day. We saw wildflowers like Bluebells, and Dutchman's breeches and many others I don't know the names of. Sugar Creek was filled with water due to recent rain and we played in the riffles. But all day I was a Grumpy Gus. Where were the mushrooms? I simply could not find them. We ate our lunch by the spring and then climbed through tick infested brush. Yes, I did say tick infested. Bleh. And I couldn't find a single glorious mushroom. We were trudging along and I was grumbling and grousing when my little guy said, "Hey! I found one!" And he did. He also found most of the others. We found 20 tiny mushrooms and you would have thought that would make me happy. Alas, my fowl mood lingered. I need a 6 year old to help me find morels. What does that say about my hunting skills?

So here we are at Thursday and I'm worrying the season is almost over. And it's pathetic really. Why do I place so much of my self worth in how many morels I find? Why does it matter if I find 20 or 2? I have more fun playing in the woods and catching snakes, frogs and turtles in the spring than I do all year! So there it is... it's time to stop moping and start celebrating. I am counting my many blessings and thanking God for beautiful Spring days and the prospect of a lovely summer. No more cold air and lots of sunshine is coming my way. And that's all I have to say about that!

Except where's my morels mushrooms?!

Sick and Tired

I've been a little under the weather for the past week. It started with a virus--thanks to some bratty kids who live to drag home nasty germs from school and throw them at their mother. My youngest likes to give me kisses, which are sweet, but bring to mind the fact that love actually is a weapon.

So a sore throat turned into bronchitis and after spending the weekend on a ladder ripping siding from my house in a cold breeze, my body just can't keep up. So because I know everything about living a healthy lifestyle, here is my top 10 list of things one should do when one is sick.

1) Rest - It goes without saying, if you rest, your body will fight infection more efficiently and heal faster.

2) Avoid junk foods. Don't clog up your body with all kinds of crap. Your liver and kidneys are trying to get the germs out. They don't need copious amounts of sugar, fat and salt glopping everything up too!

3) Drink plenty of fluids. Water is your friend. The more you drink, the faster you heal.

4) Exercise in moderation, but when a simple virus turns to infection, you might need to cool it on the cardio. You need all your white blood cells fighting infection, not trying to recover from a strenuous workout.

5) Lemons! You know the old saying, when life gives you lemons....make lemonade. Well, I don't really like lemonade so I just eat the lemons. It clears your sinuses and helps heal the errant sore throat. Lemons are a super food. High in vitamin C and on the cover of every tea or cough drop wrapper targeting sick people. So just go straight to the source!

6) Do not go to work and breathe all over your co-workers. If they get sick, they will be crabby with you. My place of employment is a hotbed for cooties. Even the cooties have cooties. And we do not need more cooties infesting my workspace. Take your cooties and go home.

7) Don't complain to everyone that you missed Easter because you had bronchitis. It's pointless. When people ask, "Did you have a nice Easter?" Just say yes and fake a smile. Don't tell them you stayed home in bed wheezing. They don't care. They just stare at you blankly and say, "Oh." And then move on with their life. And then you're just aggravated that they wasted their time and yours asking stupid questions to which they didn't like the answer.

8) Definitely don't write a blog about what one should do to get healthy when you're not following your own advice. Hey, it's not my fault there was ice cream! It attacked me and threw itself into my car and then, I didn't want it melting all over so I ate it. There! Are you happy?! I'm happy. Ice cream makes everything better.

Fine. I really wrote this list to tell myself what I should be doing to get better. It has nothing at all with helping others. I just want to feel better now. So with that in mind, I'm turning in. Sleep is truly the only thing better for the body than ice cream.