Destroying Happiness One Piece of Cake at a Time

Today I was The Evil Queen. I denied someone their happy ending.

For those who have never watched the show, Once Upon A Time, let me simplify. Snow White had an evil step mother who hated her guts and decided to do her in. Her soul purpose in life is destroying the happiness of Snow and Charming. It's a very clever show and one I am wholeheartedly addicted to. The evil queen spends a great deal of time destroying the happiness of everyone around her, at least when she's not ripping their hearts out or outright killing them.

My friend and I had finished eating lunch today when we happened to walk by two of the most beautiful cakes you have ever seen in your life. The cake was free(of course) and the icing looked like billowy melt-in-your-mouth clouds of bliss. Yet when my friend tried to go in for a piece I yanked her back. You see, she is new to my place of employment and not yet inoculated to the blatant food bonanza. I know she is trying very hard to follow a low-carb diet and I also knew if she ate that cake she would hate herself later. At least that's what I tell myself now. Honestly, I think I wanted that cake more than she did and I knew if I let her have it, I'd have to eat some too. And that would be, well, just wrong! This is how evil begins, my friends. We murder the happiness of our friends to save ourselves. Eesh.

Yes, I am a monster.

I squashed her happiness beneath my shoe because I am weak and selfish. And because she's a good friend she didn't call me out on it. But I distinctly remember a moment in my not-so-slender days when a friend slapped Godiva chocolate out of my hand and literally broke my heart. Being denied our hearts desire can be very painful.

So maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. It was only cake after all. But that's how it is for me. Sometimes I just can't deal with it. I know if I eat one piece, I'll have to eat 3 and then 5 and then I'll start eating something else with copious amounts of sugar in it and before I know it...

I suppose this blog post has no other purpose than to apologize to my friend. She is a very nice gal and I feel really bad that I denied her cake because I have so little will power. She is a really awesome friend for putting up with my food neurosis and I am a doofus. Someday, when I grow up, I will eat cake and be able to stop after a couple bites. Until then, if you want cake, avoid me. I am seriously cake disturbed.