Once on the Lips

Sometimes we forget the power of our words. We recite the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." But the truth is, words can hurt us. Very deeply. They seep into the sore places in our hearts and infect with pain that can have a long lasting impact.

Life can be very stressful. We work hard to bring home a paycheck, only to give it away to a bill collector. We watch the people we work with go on exotic vacations while we settle for our camping trip in the woods. We sip hot tea because we can't drink coffee. We sigh, grieve a little, and move forward because self-pity is ugly.

I always try to see the beautiful things in life. I may never climb a mountain but I enjoy talking to people who have. I met such a man last week while collecting donations for the American Diabetes Association. He showed me pictures of the mountains he has climbed with his wife. He talked about practice hikes and adjusting to altitude. Our conversation was filled with wonder because I love to imagine what it is like to do something so foreign to me. Interspersed into that conversation, however, was his adoration for his daughter who he likes to take with him on these hikes. She has Cerebral Palsy. I might add that she was a footnote in the conversation. He didn't complain about her, but rather complimented her strength and beautiful character. I walked away from that conversation thinking about mountains, not the hardship of dealing with a disabled child.

How I wish every conversation was about hiking in the mountains. Yesterday I had such a great day and came home excited to see my family. Granted one of my children has strep and is covered head to toe in a miserable rash(scarlet fever) and we are all at risk of catching the highly contagious virus. Still, I was happy to see them. My youngest was particularly whiny and had a difficult time wrapping his mind around what I had prepared(bought fully cooked) for dinner. I was very patient with him and tried to help him come around to eating—which he finally did. It was obvious that he was tired and cranky and I know how it feels to have a bad day.

Still others in my family were not so accommodating. Let the crab fest begin! Suddenly barbs were flying around the house like darts, poisoning every person they touched. At one point I said, "Let's not be unkind to each other. I understand we don't feel well and we've all had a long day, but there's no sense wounding each other with our words." My pleas fell on deaf ears, however. The barbs escalated to darts, which escalated to knives and pretty soon everyone felt slashed to ribbons. How cruel words can cut! As the mom I endured this onslaught as graciously as I could, wrapped everyone up for bed, and quietly retreated to my room for solace.

It takes great strength to control ones tongue. I'm not always very good at it. Sometimes I feel like I have this wild stallion in my mouth that is just rearing to unleash hell on anyone in my direct vicinity. I hold tightly to the reigns for a while but then a catalyst in the form of insult or injury collides with my will power and I'm undone. Then all I can do is grieve over the trampled feelings I leave in my stead. So what can I do to keep it from running free?

I have learned that sometimes the best thing I can do is be silent. Not just in hostile situations, but in every day conversation. The art of listening seems to be lost. We live at a frenetic pace and are in such a hurry to get in our quota of words out that we miss the heart of the people around us. If you are guilty of unleashing your words on the unsuspecting masses, pause and consider the following, how will your words help the person you wish to speak to? Will they heal or destroy? Are they even necessary?

We are so often guilty of wounding those we love the most in this world. We bring our tired and crabby home and take comfort that these dear ones are bound to us and cannot escape our verbal tyranny. We treat them like mats, rubbing our filthy paws on their hearts and then trotting off for more prey. How we take this love for granted in the worst possible way, as if love were a plastic ring and we can simply discard it and buy another.

Today, consider your words carefully. Let them be seasoned with light. Spread hope like a handful of seeds and watch the beautiful garden that will grow around you. But when your heart is filled with venom as black as ink, try to find a way to keep it from spilling out by remembering this…. Your words have power to do great harm, but they also have power to heal. Choose your words carefully.