If Wishes Were Horses

For most of my life I was extremely self-conscious about my appearance. I constantly compared myself to other women. I wished my hair were as shiny or my waist were as thin. I wished my face was pretty and that my feet weren't so big. I spent half a lifetime coveting what I could never have. No matter how much time I spent wishing I looked like someone else, I couldn't. I would always just be me.

What is our obsession with body image? We have our own ideas of beauty and chase our tails trying to conform to them. What is it about that special piece of clothing that makes us feel pretty or sexy but contrarily, the outfit that makes us feel icky? And why does it matter? I find it curious the way people view and instantly judge each other. We think by looking at someone we know their situation. Too fat? Stop eating so much. Too thin? Eat more. Yellow teeth? Get a tooth brush already! We stand prepared to make everyone conform to our idea of beauty and yet we hardly conform to our own. Every single woman I know thinks she's fat even if she's not overweight. Why do we do it to ourselves? Who are we really trying to please? How do we stop the madness?

I was looking at a picture my son took of me the other night. I freely admit that I never in a million years thought I would get down to the size I wear now. I am smaller than I was in high school. But when I looked at that picture, all I could think was critical thoughts.

I won't share what I thought here because I don't need strangers picking apart my personal appearance. It's bad enough I do it myself. But it reminded me of a picture I took with a friend of mine last year while riding bikes on the Katy Trail. I was so proud to have my picture taken with her. I really didn't care that we were in bike shorts and bulgy. Sorry, unless you are anorexic, no one looks good in spandex. I love my friend and couldn't wait to post the picture online. My love for her overrode my self-consciousness. I wanted to encourage others to get out and be active. But immediately upon viewing the picture she said, "Please don't post that. I don't like the way I look." Boo. I was legitimately sad. I actually felt like she was taking something beautiful away from me. It's the same way with people who refuse to have their picture taken because they don't like the way they look. One of my aunts is a gorgeous beauty who likes to take pictures but really dislikes having her own picture taken. Why? You guessed it! She doesn't like the way she looks.

My youngest son frequently tells me how beautiful I am. He compliments my clothes and jewelry. He hugs me and seems genuinely happy to lay eyes on me. I bet he would feel the same even if I was purple and wore a hot pink bikini. He simply loves me. I used to think people only liked me because they felt sorry for me. What a silly thing to think! People like me for who I am inside. The same way I fall in love with people. I find something I have in common and pursue a relationship with them. In the end, it really doesn't matter what they look like. I love the person inside, not their perfectly shaped knees or properly proportioned shoulder blades. Therefore I think it's high time I adjusted my critical eye to something a little more important...like my attitude! It's time to stop beating myself up because I can't crunch my tummy fat away. I can't exercise myself to perfection no matter how hard I try so how about I stop trying?

From now on I resolve to love myself for who I am. I resolve to smile more, laugh at myself and just be more comfortable in my own skin. I'm going to stop worrying about my frizzy hair and knock-knees. Because, really. Who cares? In the world of Margaret, I'm one of the coolest people I know. I should celebrate that!

Henceforth and from this day forward, when someone compliments me on my appearance I resolve not to argue with them or explain away whatever I think it wrong with my appearance at that moment in time. I resolve to simply smile, say, "thank you!" and then let it go.

Today if you are struggling with your self-image, remember, your body is a gift. Sure, you could waste time beating yourself up because your nose is a little more bulbous than you care for, but let me ask you a powerful question, why would you want to? Does it help anything to have a negative self image? Let me answer that for you... Nope!